I Am the Manchurian Candidate

Another installment of “Going to the hospital.”

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Wed, 27 Jan 2010 03:50:00 +0000

Quick background: Had some stomach pain that shifted to my kidneys, then to my groin, and eventually felt like it kicked me in the family jewels (seriously).

On to the hospital.

The front lobby of every hospital I have been (which has been quite a few here), looks just like the lobby of the ticketing area of any train station in China. This is not a judgment; it is just how it looks.

Today was a little different, and truly astonishing. The lines of people, a few hundred strong, were left waiting for an hour while the receptionists took their lunch break. You really can’t do anything in the hospital until you go through this first step.

At the counter you are asked what type of problem you have, and they issue you a medical log book with UPS code and they point you off in the direction you need to go. No problems… and cheap (5元).

The next step is to walk through the labyrinth of hallways and offices to find your assigned doctor. Remember, 1.3 billion people… The doctor will not be seeing you “privately”. Oh, they try, but it is mostly in vain. Even when it was my turn, some man refused to leave, after being asked by the doctor and nurses. I didn’t really worry too much about the main listening in on me describing my pains, until the doctor decided he needed to play a round of “Second hand pocket pool” with me.

May God strike me dead if I am lying… the doctor did it without gloves.

I was informed that I needed to have one test, and possibly another, depending on the outcome of the first.

Everything needs to be paid up front, so I was off to the cashier for that area, then off to the ultrasound lab.

As I am lying on the table, asking for them to check and see if my unborn child is well, I realized that my ultrasound was going to go a little lower than just my stomach and sides.

You know, how those ultrasound wands do look like those industrial strength “back” vibrators??? No vibrate setting on this thing.

During the exam, one of the technicians questioned if “foreigners look the same on the inside”… I… I… But??? Did he??? nooooo… I was his version of the “Alien Autopsy”?

Now it was back to the doctor’s office. He let me know that I have some cysts and some calcium deposits on “the wonder twins”, and then said I needed to take the “other exam”.

I thought I knew what the “other exam” was, and I was not looking forward to it. But off I went to the cashier (yes, I had to go pay 36元 for that). But, instead of going directly back to the doctor’s office, I decided to go to another office and have a doctor hook me up with a personal stash of some good drugs… Clonazepam. Yeah, a doctor asking to give me “the finger”, in a crowded room, caused me to realize I needed a refill of panic attack meds. So, off I went to the cashier and on to the pharmacy…

6元 for some primo drugs, and 36元 for “the finger”; a total of about $5… Couldn’t have done better with a New York City crack whore.

He told me to go behind the curtain and take the position of the man in the poster. I didn’t need to look at the poster, I know the routine well… after working for Bohai University for five years, I’m quite familiar with bending over and taking it up the…

I’ve had prostate exams before, and I was vaguely aware of another type of test they do. I should not have confused his meaning of “test”, with simply a prostate exam… it wasn’t. I won’t go into details, but there is a regular exam of the prostate, and then there is an exam for the fluids. They should not be confused… One is uncomfortable; the other can be extremely painful. Let’s just say I wasn’t reciting Shakespeare’s sonnets, so I don’t know how entertained the room full of people was with my words.

This time the doctor did use gloves…

I then had to ‘hobble’ through the hallways with a microscope slid of my own bodily fluids (seriously), through masses of people, to take it to the lab.

After waiting for the results, I went back to his office. He sat down (I stood) and told me that I had an inflamed prostate. I wanted to look at him and say “No sh-t Sherlock! You just tried to pin it against the floor with your finger!”

He then asked me if I wanted western or Chinese medicine. I asked him what the differences were, and he told me that, with the western medicine, I needed to use a suppository and sit in a pan of warm water… every day…

Ladies and Gentleman! Gather around! Let me tell you about the wonders of Chinese medicine…

He wrote me a prescription for an antibiotic and some Chinese medicine, then suggested that I return, twice a week for six months, to see if the medication was working. I wanted to suggest something to him, but after our intimate meeting behind the curtain, I wasn’t sure how he would take it if I told him to kiss my ---. I also thought about asking if I could just go to the corner KTV twice a week for the exam; If it has to be done, I should at least enjoy it.

Back I went to the cashier and then to the pharmacy.

Total cost was about 800元… I think the KTV would be cheaper.

Just when you thought it was over…

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 08:25:00 +0000

Leno comes back.

What a “bundle of small sticks tied together”… Wait, I know there must be another name for that… let me look it up… Oh! Yes! F-A-G-G-O-T!!!

I’ve been following the whole thing from here, and I’ve pretty much kept quiet until I recently saw what Leno said on his show on Monday.

First, he says that it all started when he wanted to be released from his contract, so that he “could go elsewhere”. He says this is why NBC gave him the 10:00 show.

Then he goes on to makes the statement “They come back to me and they say if he decides to walk and doesn’t want to do it (12:00 Tonight Show), do you want the show back? I go, ‘Yeah, I’ll take the show back’.”

What a load of horse scat!!!!

Does he really want us to believe that NBC would go to Conan, asking him to move to 12:00, BEFORE they even asked Leno to return??? What if Leno said “No”? Especially since Leno said the whole thing started because he wanted to LEAVE NBC? I know management of NBC is pretty retarded, but I don’t think they are that retarded.

Does he actually want us to believe that this fiasco would make him want to STAY with NBC, if he had reasons for leaving it before it all happened?

I think it is quite obvious what has happened… NBC gave Leno the “Carson treatment”, before he ever deserved it, and Leno is high off of it. He thought he was big enough to have his own primetime show, and after failing, he used his muscle to push out someone who has been working for over 20 years at NBC.

SEVEN MONTHS! That is all Conan had, after he and his entire crew changed their lives and moved across the country.

No, Conan didn’t have high numbers, but let’s think about it in a different way. Conan moved to an earlier time, and his numbers (however low they were), were higher then they were when he was on later. Leno had high numbers, moved earlier, and his numbers dropped. I am pretty sure, had NBC given Conan more time, his numbers would have increased. You cannot say the same for Leno.

Obviously I am a Letterman fan, but that only happened because of the first NBC/Tonight Show fiasco. And, to be honest, I’d much rather watch “The Late, Late Show, with Craig Ferguson”, than to watch Leno.

Leno said, “I have no animosity towards Conan”… What an egotistical prick. OF COURSE NOT, you dumb “Richard”-head… The animosity is directed at you, from just about every living being on earth, other than the NBC executives.

China's "Holy 8"

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 19 Jan 2010 08:14:00 +0000

I’m pretty sure the rest of the world is not seeing the news here in China, but it is quite disturbing. We have yet another prime example of the States manipulation of the minds of the people, and how worried the rest of the world should be, about the levels of nationalist pride in China… to the point of xenophobia.

8 Chinese “peacekeepers” were killed during the earthquake in Haiti… along hundreds of thousands of estimated Haitians. Obviously this is a tragic thing, and nobody wants to tread on the fact that people lost their lives. However, China seems to be focusing all of their attention on those 8, and completely neglecting the fact that Haiti is facing its worst time in history.

Chinese news coverage has turned into a PR effort for the State to boost the already frightening levels of national pride within the population. Open any Chinese news source and the focus will NOT be on the destruction in Haiti, or the aid efforts for Haiti. What you will see is total coverage of all things Chinese, dealing with those 8 dead.

It is almost as if the measly “rescue” effort that China put on, was simply to find their own nationals, and get the hell out of Dodge.

Anyone who has seen the news in China knows of the staged video and sound bites, used strictly to boost the moral of the people, but this has gotten to the point of being literally sickening.

China went through the same thing in 四川, with its earthquake. The people here seem to have forgotten how the rest of the world focused their efforts on helping China.

Go to the Chinese news and what do you see? Chinese rescuers, digging for Chinese dead. Staged memorial ceremonies (in Haiti, for those 8), complete with banners. A “welcoming home” ceremony, complete with military honors, TV coverage, more banners, funeral processions. It is downright sickening.

People are starting to use words like “martyrs” and “heroes” when they speak of them.

I’m waiting on a telethon to raise money for the 8 families, and propaganda posters, complete with photographs of each of the dead… seriously.

If you are from outside of China, take a look at your news and see if you can find more than one article about any of your native citizens who died in Haiti. I bet you would have to dig for it. I had to search high and low to find out that there are 16 dead and 70 missing US citizens. But, in China, every schoolchild is going to be taught that 8 patriotic PLA members lost their lives… for their country… in Haiti.

There is one common irony with stories like this in China. The people only seem to learn about their own nation when things like this happen. I’m sure most Chinese never knew that there were “peacekeepers” in Haiti, and they probably learned this the same way they learned it when Chinese peacekeepers were killed in Lebanon. Yet most Chinese will point out every other nation (mainly the US) that has soldiers in another country, and label them “invaders” or “imperialists”.

China does not have diplomatic relations with Haiti; the reason for this is the same reason China does not have diplomatic relations with other nations, or will not trade with other nations (yes, there are actually nations that China does not trade with): Because they will not sign papers stating that Taiwan is a part of China.

Maybe this whole “hero” thing, is just a way for the State to keep the minds of the people off of the fact that they also have armed soldiers in other nations, so as not to look too hypocritical when they report on other nations.

****!!!!!**** UPDATE !!!!

Yesterday they put on a full network coverage (meaning most every station), of a government sponsored memorial service, complete with Hu and Wen. The indoctrination continues.

Yao Ming, “Counterrevolutionary”:

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Mon, 11 Jan 2010 10:02:00 +0000

Ok, so Yao Ming and his wife are expecting a baby (congratulations). The buzz going around China is either a comical wordplay on suggesting the baby’s name, or the nationality of the baby if he/she is born in the US. But they are not seeing the real “news” of this story.

Yao released this news to the public, by posting it on his FaceBook account. FaceBook is a site that is currently blocked in China.

Here is where it gets funny… The State run media is reporting this news all over the place, and in some cases they are even referencing the fact that it was posted on FaceBook.

The State government is learning its news from web sites that are banned in China. Talk about irony.

This is a test… this is only a test…

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Wed, 25 Nov 2009 09:59:00 +0000

Had this been an actual post, you would have been directed to run, screaming to the exits.
I promise this is the beginning of the resumption of business here at Kyle.cn. I've just been a little busy recently, but things are getting back to normal.

Vacation, all I ever wanted...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:17:00 +0000

Well, vacation time is coming to an end. Guess it is time I spoke up. I’ll be doing that soon.

Just letting people know I am still around.

Jimmy Carter, just an old southern racist.

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 15:12:00 +0000

Former President Jimmy Carter said that Kanye West’s outburst at the VMA Awards was “completely uncalled for”.

I think Mr. Carter’s outburst comes from some severe deep seated racial hatred.

Seriously folks, if a sitting US Congressman calls the President a “Liar”, or people protest the health care package, and THEY are racist (simply because the President happens to be black)…

How much more is it when a former President speaks out against a black man for something he did that is totally unrelated to anything dealing what that former President’s life?

Yep. Jimmy Carter is just an old southern racist.

Another non-racial incident, turned racial by ignorance.

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 20:00:00 +0000

We all KNOW what happened with the arrest of Harvard professor Henry Louis Gates Jr., and it does not take a team of Harvard professors to figure it out.

You have a man, whose job it is to constantly have his mind filled with racial injustice, and he happens to have an interaction with a white police officer, in his own home… what do you think is going to happen?

The man’s house had been broken into prior to this, so it was not “profiling”, when the neighbors saw two men trying to force their way into the house, then go around to the back door. (He admits that he was trying to force the door open with his shoulder when the key did not work.) He HAD been on a trip to China, so one can understand the neighbors being inquisitive.

It wasn’t the first break-in to this home, and the reason he was trying to force the door, was because the lock was broken from the last break-in.

YES, it was his house, and viewing it simply from his point of view, one could see how someone might get upset at policemen entering your home and asking for identification. But telling the officer “NO I AM NOT!”, and tossing out the “Educated Harvard professor” card, along with the race card, isn’t going to stop them from checking things out. I’m 100% sure that he wasn’t the only person ever approached by the police who said “I didn’t do anything wrong”.

Not to mention, if all he did was to arrogantly hand over his Harvard ID, obviously the officer was right in calling for the Harvard Police to come and verify.

A police officer, coming to a break-in call, and he asks you "is there someone else in the house?", and you say "I'm not going to tell you"... Come on folks... Please.

(And evoking the “your mama” phrase was just… ignorant.)

Contrary to popular belief, had the officer walked up and saw it was a white man, he would not have handed him a million dollars, patted him on the back, given him the secret white man’s handshake, and drove away without question.

Even a white man, living in a high-end section of Cambridge, would understand that when the police enter your home and ask for ID… there MIGHT be something behind it, and not just simple Nazi tactics.

Both have stated one of the first things to come out of his mouth was something to the effect of “This is how black men are treated in America today”.

This wasn’t an episode of “Cop’s”, it seemed rather tame, if you ask me. I’m still searching for how this officer did not maintain a “cool head”. If it were all “rogue/ignorant/racist cop, trying to keep the black man down”, why wasn’t Gates put to the floor with a gun to his head?

You would figure, with a black President, some of the ignorance in the African American community would finally settle down. Even today, Al Sharpton and Jessie Jackson have realized that their effectiveness has shrunk to that of “Michael Jackson parasite”, and “Black graveyard advocate”.

What he did was to get on his “racial” high horse and start soap boxing to police, while they were legally and rightfully doing their job… PROTECTING HIS HOME. And when you consider that the arresting officer was chosen by his fellow BLACK officers to instruct ways to avoid racial profiling, at their police academy… one really has to question the whole thing.

Now take a moment to read the police report: http://i.cdn.turner.com/cnn/2009/images/07/23/0498.001.pdf

It is a crime to interfere with police work, and he OBVIOUSLY did that. Now, one might argue that the police went too far, and maybe they did… but so did he. And the only one’s who had the RIGHT to do what they did, were the police.

What makes matters worse is, when the President of the United States, on national TV, admits to not knowing all the facts, but immediately says the police acted “stupidly”. I thought, of all people, Obama would keep his “Racism knee jerk” in check… I guess we were wrong.

Obama said, "I don't know all the extenuating circumstances, and as I said, I respect what police officers do. From what I can tell, the sergeant who was involved is an outstanding police officer, but my suspicion is probably it would have been better if cooler heads prevailed."

All I can say is that I hope they do release the tapes of the call-in, and then we can put this all to rest. MY suspicion is that Gates is not going to push this too far, or he will end up looking like an idiot. It’s probably what we have seen a million times over… A calm officer, trying to speak to an irate/insane/crazed person.

But, let’s ask ourselves a few simple questions:

If I walked up to a house in Cambridge, and started to try to force open the door with my shoulder, and someone called the police, do you think they would do nothing, simply because I am white?

Would the police risk taking a well off black Harvard Professor, out of his own home, and arrest him… for no reason? I mean… seriously folks. This ISN’T 1950’s Mississippi, it’s CAMBRIDGE Massachusetts.

When the second officer, Carlos Figueroa (Latino), stats the same thing as the arresting officer, one has to start to question the validity of racial profiling in this instance.

From my point of view, Henry Louis Gates Jr. and President Obama, have tarnished the history of Cambridge and Harvard, which black men were an integral part of. They have thrown out all of the historical evidence of the fight for equality, and the true beginnings of “The Struggle”.

40 Years...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 21 Jul 2009 02:49:00 +0000

"这只是一个人的一小步，但却是整个人类的一大步。"
"对一个人来说,这是一小步,但对人类而言,这是跨出了一大步。"

Just when you thought it was safe to go back in the water...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 02:12:00 +0000

Ok, as if all of the things I wrote about Bohai University 渤海大学 were not enough... it looks like it is time for another.

Seriously folks, if you are considering a job teaching English in China, DO NOT waste your time with Bohai, there are better places.

It has been six months since I left Jinzhou (锦州), and in that time they have worked to get me fired from a different job, tried to get me kicked out of China, and now they are literally calling other universities and telling them that it the government does not want them to hire me. This is funny, considering that the government has already granted me a new visa. Strange.

Not only are they telling them that I was kicked out of China for writing bad things about China, but they have also gone the way of making up other petty lies. They have been telling universities that I didn't get along well with other foreign teachers, and there was always trouble between the teachers and myself. Now, other than the only obvious problem I had with one foreign teacher (which I ended by just avoiding all contact), I have not had any problems or troubles with any of the other teachers I worked with over the course of five years.

Jeezzee... What is it with these people? Do they miss me that much, and are so distraught about me leaving, that they cannot accept me working for another school?

And, one final bit of insightful information to help my readers understand the total "Scarecrow Syndrome" (lacking a brain) that these people have...

The International Exchange center has its own new 7 story building, with classrooms, apartments, restaurant, bar, offices, computer center, and reception area. They have about 8 people working for them, and their sole jobs are dealing with foreign teachers and foreign students. Yet, with all of the technology and manpower at their disposal, they need a foreigner to do their jobs for them. Yep, that's right... http://www.chinawanderrecruiting.com/

The people who were sitting on their asses for 10 months out of the year (only getting up twice a year to attempt to hire foreigners), are so inept they require a foreigner to do their work for them, man... that must be some form of face loss in Chinese culture.

One of their sole purposes for being, and they cannot even do that job.

It's sad. I guess the last few posts about them, including the "Russian Prostitute Ring", really hit a nerve with them.

Ok... This is what happened.

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 07 Jul 2009 23:29:00 +0000

英桥学校 (YingQiao Private School), the school I had been working at for four months, repeatedly requested my passport (they said the police needed it). Since I was in a pretty “secure” area, where everyone from the Party to the PLA vacationed, and seeing as how even taxis needed to pass through a checkpoint before even entering the district, I just thought that this was “normal”.

One Friday they did the same thing, asked for my passport and told me I would get it back on the following Tuesday. I was a little suspicious, seeing that it was the weekend, and knowing how some places will actually ask for people’s ID’s simply so they can open bank accounts for laundering money, but I just let it go. (I’ve seen this firsthand.)

From this point on, everything they did/said was not cordial or direct… it was veiled threats and just plain meanness.

After my first class the following Tuesday, I was asked to come into the headmaster’s office. Inside were two Chinese “English” teachers, the person responsible for hiring, and the headmaster. They told me that they intended to cancel my contract. When I asked them “Why?” they said it was because they had learned something from my previous employer (渤海大学, Bohai University).

I laughed and explained Bohai did this because they were upset with me. The headmaster was curious as to why, but when I started to explain, he just cut me off.

When I asked “What is it you learned?” they proceeded to pull out some printed pages of this web page and pointed to the pictures of Mao. The funny thing is, every post they used, was actually a post in which I was DEFENDING China; but the idiots they had trying to translate it, didn’t understand anything I wrote… they actually translated a sentence I wrote about the Catholic Church, and tried to imply I was writing about Mao… strange.

Let me take a step back…

I’ll say this… a week before I left Bohai, the leader of the Foreign Affairs Office called me into her office and pulled out a page, printed from my web site, and was upset because it was a complaint about Bohai University. When I mentioned how it was interesting that she finally noticed my page after all these years, she said “I’ll never tell you who told me” (this will sound familiar later). I never asked “Who told you”, I simply wanted to imply to her that she could have noticed all the problems, had she just spent more time reading it in the past.

Now to get back on track…

It was at this point that I calmly looked at them and said, “Ok, no problem, I’ll just collect my $3,000 and be on my way.” They looked at me like I was insane (which I was expecting), and I proceeded to explain that they were breaking my contract without the 30 days notification, and that I expected what they would expect from me if I had done the same thing.

They then immediately brought out a piece of paper listing the things that I had supposedly done to break the contract (they were ready). They brought out the line of interfering with Chinese culture and religion, then brought out the post I did about the DL. I had to laugh, and point out to them that my post was actually against the DL, and that they needed someone other than their half-assed English teachers to translate it.

They were trying to give me the “we like you, the students like you” bit, but realizing that they had been working on this for several days, made me realize different. Then they handed me a piece of paper (in Chinese only), that said something along the lines that they were canceling my contract because I broke Chinese law, went against Chinese culture, and hurt the Chinese people. Obviously I wasn’t signing that.

At one point, they said “You are a foreigner, you don’t know Chinese law.” I quickly replied “Of all the people in this country, foreigners know more about the laws in China than most Chinese… we HAVE to.” Then I started rattling off parts of China’s Constitution, and they quickly changed their tune from one of me breaking the law, to me hurting the pride of the Chinese people. Obviously I questioned how they could speak for 1.3 billion people, and how they could be hurt by something that even they could not translate correctly.

I went through the hypocrisy of letting their students wear the American flag on their asses, KTVs with the statue of liberty on it, the constant barrage of George Bush pictures, the fact that the majority of the funny pictures of Mao were given to me by Chinese people.

Then they actually tried to say I was breaking the part of the contract that dealt with teaching/preaching religion… because I posted something about the Pope. I couldn’t stop laughing.

I pointed to every one of the items they had listed and told them exactly what they were about, and how they were using the image of Mao, to try to deduce what the story was about. Eventually they admitted that it was not the writing that was the problem, but only the pictures.

I realized that everything they were doing, including the signing of the piece of paper, were nothing more than covering their ass from me trying to get them for breaking my contract, not for me actually breaking the contract (which I didn’t.)

Everything they threw at me, I blew out of the water… the only thing they had left to hold on to, was the fact that I had pictures on my page that did not show Mao in the best context.

I tried in vain to get them to actually READ the things that were written, but it was obvious at that time that they had already gone to the police and put things into motion for getting me kicked out of China.

Something or someone had really pressed down on them.

I tried to be polite and nice, and eventually I just asked them for my passport. They said it was at the police station (which was a lie), and that I could get my passport back if I would just sign the paper. Then they told me that I needed to be out of my apartment that night.

They then had “meetings” they had to go to, and I was left to figure out what to do on my own.

I had Helen come to help me figure out what really was going on, and to help me get my things packed and moved. The first thing we did when she arrived was to go to the police station in the city, and asked them where my passport was. The people at the police station had no idea where it was. We didn’t tell them what was going on, but we explained that the school had asked for it (under the pretense that the police needed it), on several occasions. The officer said that it was illegal for the school to do that, and that if there was anything wrong, or if the police needed it, they would come themselves. He then pointed us to the officer in charge, and we asked him the same thing and got the same response. My passport was not at the police station.

We went back and met with the same people, and at this point I was infuriated. But before we ALL met, they asked to speak to Helen alone. I knew what was going to happen, and sure enough they brought her in and gave her the “Look, we are Chinese, you are Chinese, he is a foreigner” bit.

After a few minutes, I let myself into the office where they were, and pretty much demanded my passport. I informed them that by keeping my passport after I requested it, is not breaking Chinese law, but international law.

I was completely pissed, and I do clearly remember saying I would start tossing Chinese people out the window if I didn’t get my passport. Then the headmaster said something that almost got his ass thrown out the window, he said “Don’t push me”. I have never come that close to “pushing” someone out a window. (Helen tried to calm me down.)

(The thing is, I was at Bohai long enough for them to realize that my threats were real… “I’ll break a door/gate”… the door/gate was broken. I had not been working for this school that long. He really didn’t know how close he came.)

Then they started saying that it was the police that called them, and not Bohai. At this point, I couldn’t believe anything that they were saying, and I was not sure about what action to take… If it was the police, I sure couldn’t call them. (I know I had been to the police station, and that they said they did not have it… but… seriously folks, after six years, when it comes to business or legal things, I have learned to mistrust most Chinese.)

The other thing that didn’t help, was that the asshole who was over hiring, Mr. Jiang, kept smiling and laughing.

I asked them “WHO informed you?” to which the headmaster replied, “No matter what, I will never tell you who told us.” (Sound familiar?)

I was stuck between a rock and a hard place. I tried everything I had learned about being F’d over during my six years in China, but I was just in an impossible situation. I wanted to call their bluff (which is all it was), but I could not take the chance… I decided to go the route with fewer chances for disaster.

It was the “traditional Chinese” act of trying to force you to bend over and take it in the ass, while they smiled.

I convinced them that I need a little more than a few hours to pack up my belongings, and I sure couldn’t go anywhere without my passport, so we decided to meet the next day.

I decided that I would give in and sign a form, but we watered it down to saying that we “under mutual understanding, that my contract was being terminated because my services were not what the school required”. I could accept that. I know what you are thinking… but… Knowing that contractual law means squat in China, and that I would not have had any chance of getting anything from them for their breaking the contract, I had to wonder what their reason was for their insistence that I sign the paper. The only other thing I could think of was that maybe the police were lying (read on).

When we met again, we went to the police station I had been to the previous day, and they went straight to some woman whose first question was “Did you get him to sign…” I knew there was something “important” about signing this paper, and it was not only the school that was worried about it.

It seems that the leader of the police department, and the officer I had talked to, had no idea what was going on. Even when we walked in, the officer was a little confused about what was going on, and asked us what was happening. The lady officer came over and whispered into his ear, and he quickly stopped being so cordial with me. He wasn’t mean, but he was not smiling anymore.

The then proceeded to have me fill out an application for a visa. This, again, shows that they were simply covering their own asses, and that I had not done anything illegal. If I had done something wrong, they would have simply canceled my visa and issued me the exit visa without any need for applying. (They even went through the process of me paying to get my picture taken for a new visa.) This was the location that issued visas, so there was no real need to apply for something that they could have just issued me at their own discretion.

Now, it was another waiting game.

I asked, repeatedly, if this meant I needed to leave China, or if I would be able to just go get another job, but they would not give me any straight answer. Finally, they said something along the lines that I would be issued a “punishment” visa…

I ended up waiting another two days for the visa. During that time, something happened that clearly showed me that this was something done by the school, and in no way initiated by the police. The school had my passport and new visa, but they returned with the police station to have it changed again.

At the same time, the school kept asking me what I was going to do. Since they were having me kicked out of China, I found it quite interesting that they would be so inquisitive. They wouldn’t even hand me my passport until I had my things packed and I was sitting in front of the train station. Seriously.

Obviously, my worries about having a bad mark on my passport were unwarranted, I have a new visa and everything. Which is just another thing that sort of shows it was not the government/police.

Ok, looking back I have come up with only a few reasons why this happened.

I really don’t think it had anything to do with the government or police. My page was up for almost six years, and never a complaint. Believe me, with the things that were written, if there was a problem, not only would I have been kicked out a long time ago, but they would have used the law to cancel my .CN domain, and at least blocked it from being read in China. This did not happen.

That leads me to believe that it was one of three things:

1) The school was just worried about its reputation. But that would have been easier to work through, had they come to me; and they would not have lied so much about it. But I tend believe it was not this; otherwise they would have at least tried to set things up to have the position filled. As it is now, they are still left without a native speaker, and having to come up with a way to explain it to all of their students and their parents.

2) As they said, Bohai called and used their influence; which seems a little more in line with how Bohai works. (Bohai is a State run school in which the leader is the mayor and head of the Jinzhou party.) I did piss them off before with my web page, and I will continue to piss them off in the future.

3) Someone had a grudge that went beyond the norms of sanity. I can think of one person with an unhealthy preoccupation with me.

Seeing as how BOTH places came to me with things from my web site, and BOTH gave me the same “I’ll never tell you who told me” bit… it seems like it could possibly be a certain nutcase.

And, it would have had to have been someone who knew the page, and knew enough to sift through six years and 500+ posts, just to be able to find those specific posts they brought up.

You decide.

I may have left some things out of this; it is difficult to remember every single moment of those few days.

Regardless of who instigated it, the primary school (particularly the asshole who was over the hiring, Jiang) went out of the way to be quite mean and nasty about the whole thing. But they will be getting theirs soon... no worries.

So many people dying.

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:21:00 +0000

While trying to sift through the news, while avoiding all of the Jackson hoopla, I came across an article on CNN that had a picture of a boy unfurling his new poster of Farah Fawcett-Majors, in 1976. That picture really gave me a flashback.

There are just so many people dying in these past days… it seems a lot of my youth is going with them.

In 1976, I wasn’t watching "Charlie’s Angels" that much, but obviously knew of the woman who married the Bionic Man… who didn’t? But I never really got caught up in the “WOW!” that many boys did back then… my tastes were different.

I remember that summer quite clearly. All of the children of St. Joseph’s Elementary school (in Keene, NH), went on the annual trip to Mountain Park (a now defunct amusement park in Holyoke, Massachusetts).

I can recall winning at some game booth, and having my choice of a poster. Sitting right there, up the front, was the now famous poster of Farah Fawcett.

(I remember that day being quite hot… I guess Farah was a little cold)
I guess I have to posthumously apologize to Farah, but as I said, my tastes were different back then, and my eyes went right towards…

Suzanne Sommers

I didn’t get to watch much of “Three’s Company”, but I knew what I liked. I distinctly remember thinking to myself “Well, she’s not wearing a bikini… they HAVE to let me put it up!” They did… on the basement wall.

Although that is the poster I had, the picture is one I found on eBay… Looks like I can buy back part of my youth for $11.75, if I hurry.

Happy Birthday!

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Mon, 13 Apr 2009 07:55:00 +0000

Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday to you.
Happy Birthday, dear...
...dear...
...dear...

DEAR LORD! Would you look at that picture?!?!?

It was bound to happen...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 13:40:00 +0000

(This isn't a complaint post, just a bad experience post. Believe me, I have a lot of fun, happy stories that I am working on.)

I think it is safe to say that any westerner, who has been around enough young people in China today, can attest to the fact that the One Child Policy may be working when it comes to population control, but it is failing in terms of the social skills of youth in China today.

Children are given a lot more leeway when it comes to what is acceptable behavior, because parents want their children to be happy. How is that different??? Well, the reason they want their children to be happy is twofold:

First, they want their children to be happy in the same way that anyone else does... because they are their children. But then there is the "dark side"; the side of Chinese culture in which the children become legally responsible for the care of their aging parents.

Raising a resentful child is not in the best interest for the parents, so discipline is starting to really decline. Add that with the new wealth people are finding, and the total falsehood of a "caring community", sometimes the bad behavior here, can make the most spoiled western child puke.

No, this is not EVERY child, or EVERY parent... there are many well behaved children and wonderful families (sometimes even more so than you would find in any western country), but the other side has firmly taken over.

What are ya' gonna' do? It's not like I can walk up to some woman who is holding a glass for her 10 year old child, while he drinks out of it, and say "Jane, you ignorant slut." And you can only try to save children from killing themselves, as long as the parent does not resent your trying to "bully" their four-year-old who is running around with a bottle of butane and a cigarette lighter, in front of the fireworks factory, beside the gas station.

All you can really do is to sit back and enjoy the show... until it comes into direct contact with you.

I understand that I need to be a little more "understanding", seeing as how I am now working in a primary/middle school; and for the most part I am. I'm constantly reprimanding students for putting their hands in my coat pockets (while I am wearing it). Reprimand??? I could just imagine the stay I would have in the ICU, if I had done that to my teacher when I was young.

Today was a little different.

(You need to understand, the students I teach are from 6 to 16 years old.)

I have been buying bunches of small rubber erasers, as rewards for younger students in class. Sure, I understand that children are going to want them, and I have overcome the "I want! I want! I want!" factor, but that wasn't what happened.

A few days ago, I met a lone first or second year student, and she asked me if she could have one. I didn't have any, but I told her "Let's go to the store and I will get you one." When we got to the school store, it was slightly crowded. When I was finally able to purchase some, I bought 10. The woman put them on the counter, and I heard the little girl tell me, "Teacher I have one, I am going to class." But when I looked down, I counted only 7.

When I met her again, a few days later, I had a talk with her. I wasn't angry, I didn't yell or make her cry or anything; I simply explained to her that it was impolite, and that they were mine to give, not hers to take.

Well, today I met her and one of her classmates as I was walking towards the store again. They both pleaded with me to give them one, but I told them that I would only give them in class, and only if they performed well. They both did the "But you gave one to...", to which I pointed out the fact that the one girl previously took three, and that I had already given one to the other girl who was there.

I thought they understood, and they walked off. When I was in the store, they reappeared, pleading with me to buy them one. I repeated what I had said earlier, and they seemed to back off.

At this point, some of the other older students (I'd say in the 10 year-old range) realized I was buying some, and they started putting their hands in my pockets and asking me to give them one. I started off (yes, I said "started off"), by nicely letting them know it was impolite to go through my pockets.

It started to get worse, and to the amusement and appreciation of the woman behind the counter, I got loud. I let them know it was impolite, and that these were MY things, not theirs. Then I said something that I thought would get their attention... I said, in Chinese, " I'm not your parents, but I will teach you, and I will hit you." This seemed to remain in their minds for a total of 3 seconds, because when the woman put my things on the counter in front of me, the hands were all over me again.

I yelled... Every hand pulled away from me, every hand but one.

As I was sitting there, catching my breath, I noticed that one little girl put her hand underneath and was grabbing a handful of erasers. I quickly grabbed it and smacked it with enough force for the sound to catch everyone's attention. The only sound you could hear after that, was the sound of a handful of erasers dropping back onto the counter.

I've "hit" a few children in my lifetime (obviously none of them were mine), but the only thing I have ever hurt, was their pride or their feelings.

But I must say... watching her walk away, holding back tears, was enough to make me appreciate what parents must have to go through. I couldn.t imagine having to feel that "guilty" on a regular basis. But something needed to be done, and she did need to learn that lesson.

Then I had a flashback... When I first arrived, I took two boys to the headmasters office because they were acting up. When I did that, you would have thought I had killed someone, by the reaction of the rest of the teachers. If taking a child to the headmaster was "unthinkable", how was smacking this child’s hand going to go over? Then I remembered seeing one teacher literally dragging a boy out of class by his ear (really... like you imagine when grownups said they would do it to you when you were young), and my fears subsided.

(The way these teachers discipline children, makes me feel a little better about what I do to unruly students in class... I just open the door and make them leave. I used this back in 2003, and that fear of the unknown still works.)

My next goal, is to get one smart boy from being "silly" around his friends, and calling me “老外” whenever he sees me (It's almost as if he is using it to call a dog). (It's the less polite of the two words they have for "foreigner" in China) Every time he says it, I turn right around and say "It's 老师!" (teacher), to remind him that he should respect me.

More, from the Fun Side...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Fri, 27 Mar 2009 16:09:00 +0000

You would be surprised how useful a game of "hangman" is here.

Most mistakes that people make, when they are learning a language, is that they THINK in their own language and translate while they are speaking. That is a lot of mental work going on at one time, and it can create some major screw ups that can become routine (as seen by most "Chinglish" phrases).

I have always tried so hard to get my students to "think" in English, so that they will have an easier time when they start to speak it. There are many different tools to use, but I always start out with "hangman".

I do the same thing, every time, and it always gets my point across to every student.

First, I will explain the rules, then go to the board and use the sentence "Our class is the best!" It's an easy sentence, and gets them warmed up to work on harder sentences. But, it is what I do next that really gets them to understand me. I will put out this, as a sentence for them:

_ _ - _ _ - _ _ - _ _ _ _ _ _!

The confusion on their faces when I do this, is just the thing I am trying to find. One by one, the students will give me letters, and eventually, they will see something like this...

W_ - A_ - N_ - BA_BE_!

They start screaming that the first word MUST be "WE", the second word MUST be "AS", "AM", "AN" or "AT", and the third MUST be "NO".

The confusion continues, until someone says "I" or "O"... Then they will see the sentence:

WO AI NI BAOBEI! (Which is Chinese for "I love you baby!")
(I have recently changed this to "I love my teacher", since I am teaching a younger group of students now.)

After they stop laughing at the sentence and themselves for working so hard on it, I look at them and say "Before you knew it was Pinyin, EVERY ONE OF YOU was THINKING in English."

I have started to follow this up by having students make up their own sentences and come to the board to play with the rest of the class. Today, I got one of the biggest laughs in all my years here, playing the game with 7th graders (Mary's class, incidentally).

A girl came to the board and her sentence "I like China" quickly filled out to this:

I - L _ _ E - _ _ I _ _!

During this time, students were all trying to scream out answers or letters, and I was trying to get them to take turns. One boy, in the back of the class, was still jumping up and down with his hand in the air screaming "TEACHER! TEACHER! TEACHER!", when the rest of the class had already settled down. I looked at him, and said "What!?"

He wanted to try to tell the class what he THOUGHT the sentence said, but he obviously didn't look at it hard enough, and he obviously didn't realize how funny his words were going to sound in this situation, because he stopped jumping, and while trying to catch his breath, he looked at me and spewed out the words, "I love you!"

I could NOT resist... I turned to the side, tilted my head, put my hand under my chin, batted my eyelashes, and swayed back and forth like a love-struck schoolgirl. The class (including their regular teacher), roared with laughter, but I could not let it end there... when their laughing died down, I was still batting my eyes, and I said (in Chinese) "I love you too."

I've never heard a class laugh that loud, and I have never seen a Chinese boy turn that shade of red before... I swear he was working so hard to hide from embarrassment, that his head seemed to melt into the desk.

Cooled Head.

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 12:14:00 +0000

Ok. I guess it's time to relate the reason why I am no longer at Bohai University.

It's no secret that I had been working there, 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, for five years (having only gone home for one week during the whole five years.) During that time, I did my job to the best of my ability. I never claimed to be the best teacher, but I tried, and eventually I was connecting with my students, and understanding them more as each term passed. My last term was my most successful.

It is also no secret that I had many problems dealing with LIFE at Bohai. I loved the school, I loved the students, I loved going to class... I just did not like to have to live a life of near indentured servitude, without any appreciation from the leadership whatsoever. I'm not talking about a parade in my honor or anything of the sorts, but when they did take 500元 a month out of my salary, the term before I left, it was a big blow to me. But even the sting of that was beginning to wear off by the start of the next term.

The being locked out, the attack on campus, the whole AIDS incident, the being charged huge amounts for services (simply because we were white), and the general second class citizen treatment, all do weigh on anyone's nerves after a period of time. But those were not the things that caused the cessation of my job at Bohai.

It was one very large straw that broke the overly burdened camels back...

This is what transpired:

There is a racket going on with the Foreign Exchange Office that just shows Chinese culture at its prime. Each term, an older Russian man brings in a fresh new crop of about 20 Russian teens to "Study Chinese". (Now, let me be clear about something up front. Out of these, there ARE one or two who actually study Chinese, and work very hard in their studies.)

The rest of these students range from 15 to 18, and (aside from the one or two), they do not go to class. Each day they set their alarm clocks to wake themselves up at 5:00 in the afternoon. This is when they begin their day. You see... they are all employed as either mistresses, KTV girls, or in some other form of "Entertainment Industry". These "Entertainment" businesses advertise right inside of the building, looking for "Young Blonde Russian Girls".

Let me put it this way: When they brought in one new crop, I offered to take them on a tour of the city (along with some new Korean and Japanese students). The Russian girls said they did not know the city, and since they were there for just a few days, they did not feel comfortable going out. I understood that, and I let it be.

The very next day, one of the veteran Russian girls came back from Russia, and the whole herd of them were dolled up like... well... what you would imagine. When I asked, in passing, where they were going, the veteran said, "They are going to meet their boyfriends, I have to translate for them." I said "Boyfriends?" She said "差不多." Which means "well, about the same thing".

So... you figure it out. Not even in town for three days... never having gone out... in a new country... not speaking the language... and they are all dolled up to go meet their "boyfriends... or 'sort of' boyfriends?" I've never ridden on a turnip truck, so I am quite sure I didn't just fall off of one.

When conversations in the downstairs bar are limited to which ones "boyfriend" has how much money and what type of car; or who cannot work tonight, because their "leg is too hurt to dance"... it does not take a rocket scientist to figure out what is going on.

Hey, far be it from me to try to push my morals (or lack thereof) onto anyone. But, when they arrive back home at 2:30am, and they start their drunken partying in the kitchen across from my room, or run screaming up and down the hall... I think I have a genuine problem that needs to be addressed.

Four foreign teachers complained about it; several Japanese students who live on the floor below them complained about it, one foreign teacher had to move his room three floors down, just to be able to sleep at night (and he had previously slept with earplugs in). Well... I was the one who kept pushing.

Of course the leader did not do anything about it. Here she was, getting FREE money from students, and she never had to go in and teach a class (there is no need to hold class, if no students show up).

I sat there for five years, and 99% of the Russian students, who were in their second year of studying, could not carry on a basic conversation in Chinese with ME, and I never cracked a book on the subject. Oh, they knew how to order coffee and beer.

Nothing I did would get through to my leaders. I recorded the screams, from inside my room, and played it back for them. When I did, they would literally be startled and jump. I would explain that these recordings were done at 2:30 and later, and from behind a closed door. They would do nothing.

I threatened to turn the power off, I threatened everything. I would always get the same reply "We will talk to them".

They never did.

So, one morning, after being kept up until 4:00, on the morning of final exams, Kyle did what Kyle does... I waited until 7:30am, and lit off the loudest fireworks known to Chinese... right at the end of the hallway. (Believe me, it was a helluva' lot louder than I imagined, being in a confined area.)

I went right down to the office and said, "Yes, that was me. If I am not sleeping at 4:30 in the morning, they are not going to sleep this morning either. And it is going to continue, every morning, every hour, until someone talks to these students."

All I know is this... if I were caught taking a job at primary school, outside of Bohai University, I would be immediately kicked out on a visa violation. Here we have 15 year olds, coming to China on student visas, never go to class, and maintain "adult" jobs.

Well, obviously the leaders of the department did not want me to do anything to interfere with their flow of money, no matter what underhanded or immoral dealings caused them to get it. This is when they started in on the "waiting game".

It came time to renew contracts, and they pushed two of us to the very limit on time. Towards the end, they did something they did the previous term with me... they told me I was a "bad teacher" and that my students had many complaints about me. When they came to me with the documentation, they were hoping I would not look closely at it; I did. These complaints were not about me, they were about another teacher. When I pointed this it, it made no difference.

The other teacher they were pushing away... we still have no idea what their reasoning was for that. He had been at Bohai for three years and no problems at all. He finally got tired of waiting for them to answer him, and he told them to F-off, and went to a better job.

Well, at the end of the term, four teachers were gone.

And, with all due respect (and I mean that sincerely), two of the remaining teachers are not really qualified as "Oral English" teachers. One of them is not a native speaker, and the other one has a slight speech impediment. (They just do not rock the boat, because they know the difficulties they will have in finding another job.)

But this goes to show the attitude of the department. Quality, service, experience... none of that matters; they simply want a warm foreign body, to give the illusion of having foreign teachers. Hell, they even kept on the teacher who really did have all his students complaining about him.

When I left, the Foreign Language Institute (the department with ENGLISH MAJORS) had one full time foreign teacher. I worked for the Business College, and there were two of us working there... (and we still were not enough to fill their classes).

Most of the foreign teachers were farmed out to WenLi 文理, which is a "part" of Bohai University, only in name. The reason they had so many foreign teachers working for this school, was because this school PAID my department for their teachers. In other words, they were double dipping off of the government.

It all came down to "don't mess with the money" for them; and for me it came down to "I just want to f-n sleep".

I will be brutally honest. I AM in a better place, making MORE money, living in a BETTER home, in a DEVELOPED city... but, even with all the headaches of Bohai... I miss my students and my job quite a bit.

Every day, on my QQ (IM program), my XiaoNei (Chinese Facebook), and my mobile phone, I get about 10 students asking me where I am, and pleading with me to come back.

I do miss it.

Maybe if I do like others have always done, just wait until the beginning of the next term, they will take me back and pay me more money. (I do know they are still hurting for foreign teachers.)

I know... I should kick myself for thinking like that. But I do miss my students and friends. Jinzhou was my home, and I still feel comfortable when I am there.

Primary school things...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 17 Mar 2009 15:06:00 +0000

Trying to be cute?

Since the first day I taught classes, I have eaten most of my lunches in the primary school dining hall (I seem to always have a first year class before lunch). On the first day, after I had filled my tray and sat down, a little girl came up with a metal bowl full of soup and said, in English, "This soup is for you." It was sweet; I thanked her and she walked away with a smile. The next day, it was a repeat.

The next week I was teaching her first grade class a lesson dealing with different rooms and floors. Using a picture of a building with different rooms labeled on each floor, I would ask the student’s questions like "Where is the library?" Each student would look at the picture and reply something like, "The library is on the third floor."
When I got to her, I held up the picture and said, "Where is the clinic?" She looked at me, and with her finger shyly pointing from her crossed arms, she said, "The clinic is in the boy's dormitory." She was telling me where the school clinic was.

The next week, after I left that class, I walked all the way to my third floor office, only to have her come in right after me, with my scarf in her hands, saying "Teacher, you forgot this."

Today, as I was walking back from having a cigarette, she was standing alone beside the music building. It was right after lunch, and all of the other students were in their rooms sleeping (nap time)... as well as all of the teachers... seriously. So, it was strange to see her sitting there alone. I walked over, sat down on the ground, handed her a toy/pencil eraser I had just bought 10 of, and we talked for an hour.

Cute kid.

Kleptomaniac.

EVERY DAY, since the first day, a boy has asked me about my mobile phone. He will walk up to me, smile, and ask me if I have a mobile phone. When I said "Yes", he will ask me to let him see it. Obviously my reply has changed from "Yes", to "You KNOW I have a mobile phone... I show you every day."

He always walks off saying the same thing, "He does not speak Chinese"... which is strange, because we only converse in Chinese.

I'm really not sure if this kid is just strange, "special", or a thief in the making, but he's really starting to freak me out.

Don't put your finger there!

From primary school through high school, students will stand whenever they are called on by the teacher. I never ask them to, but if they do not, the rest of the class will tell them to.

One day I asked a boy to recite something from the book, as he stood there, the boy sitting beside him was leaning over and using his finger to poke this boy's... "Family Jewels". He just sat there with a maniacal look on his face, as the other boy stood there twitching from side to side.

It was SO hard for me to keep from laughing, when I pointed at him and whispered "Stop".

EXCUSE ME?!?

The phrase "我操你妈" means "I f***ed your mother", and it can be heard on a constant basis in China. While it still retains the same connotation and feel as if you said it in the west, it is sometimes used more along the lines of saying "Shit". But even with that, there are people who should not say it, and situations in which it should not be said.

A short form is "我操", and is what got the Chinese Olympian Liu Xiang in trouble once, when he said it on camera after he won a race.

Well, one day I was in a class and a young boy was being a little mean to a girl classmate. I could tell he was just at that age where he could not express his feelings (you could tell he liked her), but he was taking things a little too far. I walked over and with a smile, told him to sit down, because class was starting.

When I turned around, he had gotten back up and was back with the girl, and literally hitting her with his book. I told him to sit down, but he did it again. This time I walked him over to his desk and sat him down.

As soon as I walked away, the music started to play that signaled the beginning of class. But, it was also when I heard him say those words...

I turned around, and I started to tell him I did not want to hear him say those words again, when he did the old game of "I don't understand". Believe me, I've been around enough smart-assed kids (including university students), to know this routine. They say they do not understand, as a way to be able to disrespect you and get their friends to laugh at them.

The teacher looked at me, and I asked her to tell him not to say those words again. She looked at me and said "Oh, he is just being naughty."

Sorry... Kyle was not having any of that. Not in this situation.

I looked at him and as soon as I opened my mouth, he did the "I don't understand" thing again, without having even heard a word come out of my mouth.

At this point, the music had stopped, so I walked over to his desk. He was sitting there with a smirk on his face, and with the class sitting at "attention", and the room quiet and waiting for me to teach, I leaned over him and said (in Chinese)...

"You don't know my mother, you never met my mother... you sure never f****d my mother."

As soon as I finished, the teacher must have realized that, regardless of cultural differences, I was not going to let some primary school kid say things like that about my mother.

Sure, I know he is a primary school student... but that was just a little much, and I felt that if he was going to use his limited knowledge of making someone "lose face" in my class, it was my duty to help instruct him in the finer points of Chinese culture.

I know some of you are thinking that I could have done it differently, but the options for recourse are just not available. I've been here, I know how things work. The way children are treated, and the way foreigners can be ignored, no headmaster would have done anything, and I would have ended up being more pissed off than I was... I did what I thought best; I taught the kid that just because his parents and culture might let him get away with anything, it is not going to be that way throughout life.

Now I know.

When I first arrived, I thought that most students "liked me", simply because of the fact that I was different, a foreigner. But, after watching the teachers at this school, I now understand it might be a little more than just the difference in nationality.

Chinese teachers can be MEAN. Obviously that is my perspective, based on the fact that I don't care for the Chinese education system teaching strictly for passing exams. But with this type of system, there is not a lot of room for the old "attaboy" or pat on the back for trying.

I am not saying the Chinese teachers do not care, or are not good teachers, they are simply following the educational system that is the norm. Even when a teacher genuinely wants their students to learn, they still seem to be quite rigid and strict. The woman that teacher the 6th graders is REALLY involved, but I still see her doing things that I would think were belittling to students.

While I watch the Chinese teachers, I notice that there is no real acknowledgment of someone being correct, there is simply disapproval of those who are wrong. This has also caused me to understand that it is a lot more than just "face" that caused many of my university students to remain silent in class.

EVERY student is called on in my class, and EVERY student will eventually get a "好!" or "非常好!" (good or very good) when they finally finish. I give a "thumbs up" so often to my students, and it is always repaid with a smile.

How do I know it works? When I ask "Who can?", eventually nearly every student will raise their hand and try.

In one of my classes, there is a girl who is (sorry for using the non "PC" term) retarded. Her mother sits with her in the back of class, and she repeats each of my words, so her daughter hears them twice. That woman really likes me, because I include her daughter in everything, from reciting sentences, to coming to the board to draw or choose picture/phrase combinations. Sure, she has a harder time, and she may not know the sentences, but I do like I do with every student, help her with the words. So, maybe I have to help her with every word, and her chances of passing a national standard exam are not very high... it does not bother me.

Happy Day.

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 24 Feb 2009 15:11:00 +0000

Every once in a while, in life, something happens that makes you truly happy... today was one of those days for me.

It was my first day of classes at my new job, and it was going relatively smoothly. I had only one class left, my first middle school class, when I decided to try to sneak off campus for a smoke break (one of the rules is no smoking on campus).

As I was walking down the long driveway, I could see an all too familiar scene of a group of girls walking towards me with their hand shielding their mouths, eyes locked on me, and heads tilted towards each other (as if they could hide the obvious). No, it.s not egotism; it's just an everyday occurrence when you stick out like a sore thumb, especially on the first day of class.

I did what I always do; I smiled and said "你好".

Immediately, the group of five girls walked over and started talking to me (these were middle school students). As I went through the routine of answering the same questions that have been asked of me day-in/day-out for over five years, something strange happened...

They had already asked my name, and I had replied "凯尔", but a few minutes later, one of the girls looked at me and said, "你是极好猎人?"

"极好猎人" means "Excellent Hunter", and is a name that was given to me by primary school students when I first arrived in Jinzhou (after telling them I liked hunting).

I am in a country with 1.3 billion people, having lived in a city of a million people for five years, and I now find myself in an even larger city over three hours away, teaching for a small private school... and some girl is asking me about a name I have not really used for five years???

I don't know why, but as soon as she asked me, I KNEW who she was. It wasn.t how she looked, it wasn.t how she acted, and it wasn.t her voice... I can't explain what it was, but I knew it was Mary.

I had to go all the way back to my FIRST POST on this site, from December of 2003, to find this...

"Oh, I have a new Chinese girlfriend. She has long black hair and nice eyes. She likes to hold my hand and take me around to show me places. She and I trade gifts and take walks together. She likes to ride her bike with me while we talk. We like to eat ice cream together also. Her English name is Mary. She's only 8, but she loves me anyway."

Having never taught children before I came to China, I never really thought about the instinctive trust that children give adults when they start out in school. I.m sure I held a teachers hand at some point in my childhood, but I never thought about it from the perspective of a teacher. The sense of awe and responsibility are enough to blow you away.

Not to mention the fact that, at that time, neither one of us knew what each other were saying; I had just arrived in China, and she was just learning English. Every day when I came out of class, she was there, ready to walk me home, as if to protect me.

This type of thing has happened many times since; even today there were students who ran up to me and hugged me and held my hand after only one class. But the first time it happened is something that will stay with me for a long time.

Of all the thousands of students that I have taught over the years, Mary has always stuck in my head. I still keep all the little gifts that she gave me; they are in my metal box with all of my other important things.

I.ve often wondered about where her life would take her. I guess I have another chance to try to help her along the way... I will be teaching her every Friday. (At least this time we are able to understand each other, when we first met, neither one of us understood each others language.)

Science is fun...

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Sun, 08 Feb 2009 22:15:00 +0000

I read a news story about the Portland Bomb Squad blowing up a suspicious package that ended up being an 8th graders science project. The student put it in a box, marked it "DO NOT TOUCH!" and left it unattended. According to the Chicago Sun Times, the police "blew up a metal pipe that had a battery, wires, rope and an electrical switch". Obviously nobody can blame someone for being worried, or the bomb squad for blowing the thing up, but when you start thinking about the student, one has to laugh.

What was the science project?

"An electromagnetic fishing pole," Allegheny County Bomb Squad Sgt. Robert Clark said, holding the contraption with the battery blown off. (Chicago Sun Times)

That last statement cracked me up, as I was thinking about the student.

Think back... 8th grade science. This kid put so much effort and concern into this project, that he/she went so far as to mark it "DO NOT TOUCH!" Seriously folks, can't you just picture some kid sitting there looking at a policeman holding up his/her destroyed science project, and muttering "What the Hell?!"

Inauguration Day

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 09:45:00 +0000

My smile for the day.

I was chatting online with some of my former students, when Sun Ying (who I wrote about in my post "President Elect - Sun Ying") sent me her picture.

I wish I had this back when I wrote the post originally.

Beidaihe

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 13 Jan 2009 07:39:00 +0000

I'll write more about my departure of Bohai later, right now I just wanted to get the news out...

I am now living and working in the Beidaihe section (北戴河区) of Qinhuangdao City (秦皇岛市), in Hebei Province (河北省), about three hours south of Jinzhou.

Beidaihe is a resort area that is known for the Party summer retreat, kinda' like China's Camp David. But many other agencies and companies seem to have retreats here as well. I spent a day walking around the beach area and noticed several of what I thought were resort hotels, but they were actually resort "compounds" for things like China Petrol, the PLA, and even the teachers of Tianjin. Obviously it is a pretty dead area right now, sort of like going to Myrtle Beach in the winter... but much colder.

Some of "the guys" at Beidaihe.
With the political history of China, the area seems to cater a lot to Russians as well. Most of the street signs in my neighborhood are both in Russian and Chinese, as well as many shop signs; and I seem to be mistaken for a Russian all the time.

Qinhuangdao is also one of the locations used for soccer/football matches during the Olympics. It is a developed city, and I am living in the "rich" area. I now can plainly see how the environment of Jinzhou effected me. I feel quite strange here, not seeing any trash on the streets/sidewalks... Getting on city buses that would put most US buses to shame... breathing air, the way God intended... I'm going through reverse culture shock, and I have not even left China.

I still get looked at, but I have a feeling the looks are more of "What the heck is Whitey doing here in the winter?"

One thing that does not change from one country to the next is that the locals in a resort area, who live their throughout the year, are primarily not "rich". That being the case, I have found that I can still lead a simple life and do many of the same things I did in Jinzhou, when it comes to interacting with the rest of the population. I'm not going to be eating in resort restaurants, or shopping in resort shops; I will be in the small back ally 小吃, eating eggplant or dumplings, or buying my things in the small 超市 run by a family. (Of course, the price of things is still expensive here, so I may have to take up cooking for myself. I can't justify the expense anymore.)

It is a wonderful looking place, and I am sure it will be even better in the summertime, but I still miss Jinzhou. My only real complaint for the past five years, was the ignorance and incompetence of the people running the "International Exchange Center". I loved my job, I loved the city, but when I had to go home to what now seems like indentured servitude, I just could not deal with it much longer.

As for my new job...
英桥学校Yingqiao Private SchoolTheir web page is in Chinese,but I think you can get an idea from the pictures.
This is where I am going to have the most difficulty in adjusting. I am teaching in a private school, and the children range from 6 to 17. Making friends is going to be a little difficult with the lack of adult social interaction, but I think I can manage.

My new home:

TWO furnished apartments, 1 on campus, 1 off.
Off campus apartment (in an honest to goodness apartment building):

Two bedrooms, one as large as my Bohai livingroom/kitchen put together.
Kitchen almost as big as my entire Bohai apartment.
A nice sized living room.
WINDOWS! (Sure, Bohai had windows, but they now seem like portholes.)
A bathroom where you can sit down, when required.
A well lit mirror I can actually see myself in.
Non-segregated – I live among Chinese people!
Just a 15 minute walk from a REAL beach.
A REAL, AUTOMATIC washing machine.
FREE Internet AND computer.
A telephone I can use without having to buy two cards, and dial 100 digits to call locally.
A REAL refrigerator.
Cable TV that is not just one of 400, split off of one line.

A private (NON SEGRAGATED) bus to and from work.
Campus directly across the street from the beach.
Airline ticket and holiday pay, even with a 6 month contract.
INSURANCE.
FREE MEALS!
NO LOCKED GATES!
Near instantaneous replies to questions and problems.
Someone met me at the train station with a truck, to move all of my things to my new apartment.
They are WISHING I would stay here for five years.
They actually came to me, asking to help me buy tickets to go home for vacation.
Getting paid 1,000元 more a month.
I could speak of things like McDonalds... but that is simply surroundings.

With Bohai University???

Compared to what I have now, living at Bohai was sort of like five years of this...

With my part being played by Ned Beatty.
I know there are some current Bohai teachers who read my page who might say that is a little overstated. I also know that there are some newer teachers who have not had to deal with the same things that most of the veteran teachers have had to deal with. But take a moment to go back and compare a few things... Sitting here now, with what I have now, I can honestly say it is close to spot on.

It's funny, but a few weeks back, I sent a message to the head of the "International Exchange Center", asking if they wanted me to return. Her reply was a little self deprecating, yet ironically true... she said "I think you should find a better environment."

Ooooooo-K.

I think I found that environment.

Just a few minutes walk from my home.
I realized that, in my "Thinking of Teaching In China" section, I wrote some words that I had always THOUGHT I followed, but now I truly understand how understated my words were.

"People will take your acceptance of anything as a sign of weakness and will use this at every opportunity."

I now understand how Bohai did this to the extreme.

And, I am quite aware of the fact that I did not heed the words of Jefferson that I have on the top of my page:

"...all experience hath shewn, that mankind are more disposed to suffer, while evils are sufferable, than to right themselves by abolishing the forms to which they are accustomed."

Bah Humbug!

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 10:33:00 +0000

I have never decorated my own home for Christmas; not just these five years, but the entire time I have lived on my own. This year, however, I found the perfect decoration and decided to "spruce up" the place, to show my holiday spirit.

Yes, the do have color TV in China...
I was watching "To Kill a Mockingbird"
Now, to explain to those who have often made the comment about it being strange that a Christian does not celebrate Christmas… let me spell it out as best I can.

I don’t need the Catholic Church to make up false holidays to get me to celebrate the birth of Christ… I can do that any day of the week, all year long. If you are Catholic, that is fine and dandy with me, but I am not. I don’t want to associate any of my spiritual life with anything to do with the Catholic Church; simply… I think they are wrong.

I just have to be true to my own spirituality, when I can. You cannot celebrate any part of Christmas, without some part of the warped influence of the Catholic Church; from the name Christmas, to the "Sainthood" of Nicholas, to everything else… I just as soon stay away from it. Most of the big holidays today are nothing more than what the old Catholic Church made them into, by transforming holidays of the cultures they were conquering or trying to convert. Seriously folks… how warped do you have to be to not see the contradiction of celebrating Easter as a Christian religious holiday?

Sure, I celebrated it when I was a kid, but what kid is going to give up bright shiny things? I’m not a kid anymore, and the Catholic Church does not fool me so easily anymore.

"One man esteemeth one day above another: another esteemeth every day alike. Let every man be fully persuaded in his own mind." Romans 14:5

"Let no man therefore judge you in meat, or in drink, or in respect of a holyday, or of the new moon, or of the Sabbath days…" Colossians 2:16

Teaching English at Bohai University (渤海大学)???

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Mon, 22 Dec 2008 06:39:00 +0000

I’m going to say this one more time… Anyone even remotely considering coming to Bohai University (渤海大学), to teach English… Please contact me before you make a huge mistake. (You can email me through the button on the left side of this page.)

I have not written anything recently, because there is a lot going on here, and I am putting it into one nice post. In the meantime, I know the office is starting its late search for foreign teachers (including my replacement… I’ll cover that later), and I wanted to get the warning out to whoever was thinking of coming here.

President Elect - Sun Ying

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 14:05:00 +0000

Often times I will give assignments in class that one would think childish, but this is only because these assignments are ones that many of us did while we were much younger. I am in no way comparing my students to children, but I will use that comparison in terms of their English.

So, why not use some of the same things my teachers used to teach me when I was at their level; if it was good enough for me, why not them?

This week was… well… a show and tell week. Regardless of how you view this in terms of the possibility of belittling students, for the most part they were quite involved. In one class I even had a student come up to me during the break and say, “Please let us do this for the entire class, it let’s us get to know each other better.”

(I must admit that it didn’t go over well for many of the finance majors, but they are not that receptive to English as a whole.)

The items and stories varied from mundane to humorous to emotionally draining. But tonight I had one that just had the class rolling with laughter.

A girl had brought a pen to class, one that she used during her exams for high school and the university entrance exam. She walked up to the podium and started by saying, “If there is anyone out there who still doubts why I brought this pen to class… tonight is your answer.”

Of course this brought a good bit of laughter, as most of the students seemed to have been given Obama’s victory speech to study (not by me, of course).

While students were speaking, I never corrected their English, I let them use this as practice time; correcting them would only cause them to lose confidence. I take notes and correct them once everyone is finished.

At one point she made a common mistake here, she asked the class, “Can you believe me?”

Immediately I yelled out, “YES WE CAN!”

The whole class erupted in laughter.

Once the laughter died down, and she regained her composure, she looked at me and said, “Kyle, do you believe there is a God?” I answered, “Yes.” She then smiled from ear to ear and said, "Then God bless you Kyle, and God bless the United States of America!"

The class was laughing and cheering as she walked back to her seat.

Shut up! I’m eating!

noreply@blogger.com (You know) — Tue, 25 Nov 2008 17:20:00 +0000

Let me set this up…

I got a little “perturbed” tonight when I went to the supermarket to buy some ice cream. Over a month ago, the Chinese government stopped the sale of all Chinese dairy products produced prior to September 14th. However, someone at the local supermarket either does not want to take a pinch in their wallet, or they simply just don’t consider ice cream as a Chinese dairy product. Either way, NONE of the ice cream in the store was produced AFTER that date.

No, it wasn’t going to kill me, but the fact that the supermarket was making people buy this stuff, was a little irritating to me. The only choice I had was buying something the government banned, or going someplace else for ice cream. (If they let you drink the water here, but they stop the sale of milk... I ain't drinkin' no milk.)

I just wanted some ice cream.

I decided to go to KFC and “enjoy” a chocolate sundae… in the middle of winter. It was at the peak of evening rush, and the KFC is right beside the largest supermarket in the city. In other words, it was busy.

It was at this time that the bizarre unfolded before my eyes.

I had a feeling something strange was going to occur, and as best I can recall, it was the old woman (in her late 60’s I would guess) standing on the top of the slide in the children’s play area, that caused me to get that feeling.

I could not hear exactly what she was screaming, but somehow I realized that she was screaming at someone else’s child. I believe she was angry at something she thought was bad behavior towards her grandchild.

Feeling that it was going to get worse, I pointed it out to Helen, who was with me at the time.

To my surpr… oh hell, nothing really surprises me here anymore... The old woman smacked the child in the head. Obviously the child started crying, and the father of child got pissed.

Chinese argument time!

I am a firm believer in disciplining children, and I am also a firm believer of beating ANYONE who hit my child. I also believe that if a child’s actions affect you, and their parents forego discipline, it is fair game to take on their parental responsibilities for them (I have done so on a few occasions).

Regardless of what the child did, regardless of what the woman did, regardless of the anger of the father, the situation went way out of hand quite quickly.

In China, arguments are like skillfully acted plays. Sure, physical altercations occur, but for the most part, there is nothing more than a lot of talk, and people trying to cause the other to lose face.

Basically you will hear a lot of "我cao你妈!" ("I ****** Your mother!”) and several faux charges and puffed out chests. It is quite amusing to me sometimes to watch this, and this was one of those times.

The father was a large man, by Chinese standards, yet it was his diminutive wife who was holding him back from his “obvious” intent of beating this old woman. The old woman was pompously standing there, as if the man could not have beaten her into oblivion, just egging him on. Then, when the father started in on the verbal abuse, the GRANDFATHER started in on him; “luckily” there was a children’s table in the way, to “hold him back” from accosting the father of the child.

Then I believe the father said something like “Ok, fine, let’s call the police”; that was all this situation needed. Calling the police to an argument, is like saying “Let’s get a PR representative, draw a crowd, and stay here for 6 hours accomplishing nothing.”
(Arguments are also a way for some to feel they have “gained face” in the eyes of the public, while thoroughly destroying your opponents “face”; the larger the crowd, the more vocal and extended the argument will become.)

Then I noticed several of the other parents, running up to rescue their children from the faux melee that was destined not to occur. There were children screaming and crying, while adults stood there, ankle deep in blue and red balls, acting more childish than any of the children had. During this time, there was a well intentioned, yet far too young female manager, trying to rectify the situation.

When these things start, there are normally two options for people: Walk away in disgust, or encircle the people and gawk at them (you would be surprised how many people choose the latter here). I wasn’t about to have any of it, I simply wanted to eat my sundae in peace.

I was NOT enjoying my chocolate sundae. Now I was angry.

I stood up, and immediately Helen knew something was about to happen. I told her, “Don’t worry… all I have to do is cause them to lose face, and everything will be over.”

(I pay attention to the culture.)

I quickly walked over, and at the top of my lungs screamed (as best as I can recollect)…

"我们要吃饭! 走开! 这不是你的家; 走开? 你要我打你? 走开!"

"We are trying to eat! Leave!* This isn’t your home; Leave!* Do you want me to hit you**? Leave!*"

* "Leave"/"走开", or "zǒu kāi", when said normally, means “get out of the way/leave”, but when used sternly (as I did), it is like combining it with “f*** off”.
** During the argument, everyone kept mentioning hitting the child, or the wish to hit other person.

When I finished, you could have heard a pin drop… This was one time where I understood why everyone in the place was staring at me.

I calmly walked back over and finished eating my chocolate sundae.

When I sat down, a former student who had been eating there also, called my name and gave me the “thumbs up” sign. I smiled. Helen could not stop laughing at me, because of the resulting peacefulness, and the fact that everyone really WAS looking at me.

The result was exactly what I thought it would be: The argument stopped, and life went back to "normal".

I don’t know if it was “Oh crap! A crazy foreigner!”, or “We are making China loose face”, or "How are we supposed to react towards a foreigner?”, but it worked nonetheless.

After we left, I told Helen that I heard people repeating my words to each other. I told her that I almost didn’t realize everything I was saying. She said, as if she were amazed, “You said it PERFECTLY, the pronunciation, grammar… EVERYTHING.”

Maybe I am grumpy a lot, but it seems to help my Chinese.

I could be wrong, maybe the rest of the people were not repeating my words to each other, maybe they were telling me that this was not my home, and that I should get out/f*** off. Either way, it does not matter to me; I got to finish my sundae in peace.