Geiko… or is it Gecko…

Lately, I have not been using my kitchen. Ok, to be honest, I rarely use my kitchen. Well, besides for washing clothes.

This is not due to the fact that I CAN’T, I just don’t. Westerners are accustomed to making food that can be refrigerated, frozen, or the like. Chinese food does not really allow for leftovers. Most everything contains more vegetables than anything else, and of course, there is the rice. Trying to keep rice is just… well… blech.

It is also quite hard to try to BUY for this circumstance. How can I measure just the right amount of onion/garlic stalks (yes, they are quite… dare I say… DELICIOUS… ugg, I said it). It’s just not worth going through the process. So, I do what is cheaper. I eat out. It’s not quite like the US, there are no McDonalds or Applebee’s or that sort of thing, you basically are eating from a family’s kitchen, to tell the truth. It’s inexpensive, good, and convenient.

Anyway…

So it is not so out of the ordinary, that when I walked into my kitchen to do some laundry today, I noticed something strange out of the corner of my eye. It seems a lizard chose a secluded part of my countertop as his final resting place. I don’t know when it died, but it was looking rather… mummified.

Don’t worry; I gave it a traditional Chinese funeral.


I ate it.

The funniest thing I have ever heard…

Tonight, I had one of my favorite classes. It consists of students of varying ages, from about 7 – 12 or so. They are the best class I have. This is the class I mentioned in one of my other posts; it is MY class, I do all the teaching.

We have been reading “The Wind in the Willows”, and having a good time doing it. But, alas, tonight was the last night of class. But I am sure I will see them all again.

Halfway through class, we always have a break of about 10 minutes. After the break, I got them back into gear and I started reading. Halfway through a sentence, one of the oldest girls in class called out, in Chinese, “Teacher.” I was a little shocked, not only at being cut off in mid sentence, but that she didn’t call me by name (All of the children call me by name, I treat them as friends, so they are not so nervous when we are talking). By calling me “Teacher”, it meant something important was about to be said, so I listened intently.

This particular girl sits next to her friend, a smallish boy who she dwarfs in comparison. The girl is, lets say, overly developed for her age. So much so that anyone would think she was older, which adds to the humor of the next words that came out of her mouth.

I said, “Yes?” eager to find out what was so important. She looked at me, pointed at her friend, and said:

“Teacher, he planted vegetables in the W.C.”

I seriously almost puked I laughed so hard. The boy just sat there with a grin on his face and shook his hand saying, “No! No! No! SHE DID!”

When I asked her what he had planted, she said:

“Tomatoes, beans, and such.”

The images that floated through my head were enough to keep me occupied for a lifetime.

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I was up late and didn’t get to post yesterday. That post follows this. It is quite long, so skip it if you feel the need.

The afterlife.

It has always been my standing policy to never laugh at anyone making mistakes while speaking English. I also do not allow it from anyone in my classes, adults or children.

Of course, there are times when even the person making the mistake laughs, and this just can’t be helped. But when someone makes mistakes because their level is not the same as others, I really come down hard on those who laugh at him or her. I once removed a child from my class after he repeatedly did this to others. Removing a student from class is one of the harshest punishments known in the educational system of China. It’s rarely used, but my students are all aware that I have used it in the past, and it causes me no undue grief to use it again.

A few days ago, however, I broke my own rule. I had a full-scale belly laugh when of all people Mr. Chen made a slight grammatical error. I tried to hold it in, but it was just too much for me.

Mr. Chen is a longtime member of the Communist Party, and one of my closest friends. He and I discuss politics constantly. We often rib each other, tongue in cheek of course, on the differences between our politics. Anyone who knows me, knows I have strong political believes, and so does Mr. Chen. It’s hard to change ideas that you have held for a lifetime, but it’s fun to try to make the other person question their politics.

Let me first, and foremost say that Mr. Chen is in no way trying to turn me “Red” as he often says. He gets quite worried sometimes when we talk, that my family will be concerned about him trying to do this. I reassure him that trying to turn me red is harder than turning Michael Jackson back into a black man. Just because I believe in Democracy and he believes in Communism, does not mean we are trying to change one another.

We were walking back from class the other day, discussing, of all things, social security. I don’t know exactly why we were talking about it, but it was the topic of the moment.

He said, in a pretty definitive and “matter of fact” tone that, “The government will pay me even after I am dead.”

I had to stop on the side of the road and hold my stomach I was laughing so hard. I know exactly what he meant, he was referring to his wife being provided for when he died, but that is not how it sounded.

All that came to my mind was, laughingly, “Man, this Communism stuff is pretty dang good.”

I know, once he realized why I was laughing, that he didn’t mind it. I wasn’t laughing at his error in English, but the sentiment it represented.

Mr. Chen is always in the habit of trying to teach me one life lesson that he is a master of. Making influential friends, or friends in all places. This can be helpful, as I have seen by his example in the past.

He is also always asking me what term to use for certain situations, things, people and so forth.

Today, after he had introduced me to one of my students, the son of a very successful businessman in the city, he stated, “I have finished my job. I was the ‘go between’ for you.” Then, he asked me, “What do you call a person who introduces a man and woman who get married?”

I said, without hesitation, “A troublemaker.”

Now, it was his time to laugh.

Pressure Valve Release.

There have only been three incidents in nine months in which I let things reach critical mass. yesterday, unfortunately, was one of them.

The first time, was dealing with my laptop, held hostage by Chinese customs. I said some pretty nasty things, and, at the time, I meant them. I felt, and still feel, that I was being taken advantage of, so that someone could profit off of my being a foreigner.

It’s easy to let something roll off your back if you can walk away, but when someone has your personal property and won’t give it back, that’s another story.

The second time was on the main street in Jinzhou, during the peak evening shopping time. I have mentioned the beggars on the streets in some of my other updates. It just got to the point where there was nothing else I could do.

Three women came up to me from three different directions, bowls in hand, asking for money. I raised my hand, said no, and two of them understood. The third one didn’t want to take no for an answer. The thing that drives me nuts is, there were thousands of Chinese people around, and these women never approach them like they do foreigners.

Well, the woman came at me and I kept saying no. I walked around the bus stop to get away from her, but she followed me, and then blocked me off. I said no, put my finger in her face, and made it quite clear I was not joking around. This is when she grabbed me… BIG “no no” in Kyle’s book.

I reached down, grabbed her bowl out of her hand and immediately threw it into the trashcan. By this time, even people on the other side of the street stopped and were watching. I had gotten quite loud and stern with my “No!” being repeated over and over.

I walked away, and thought this would have gotten the point across. That is when I felt the bowl poking me in the back. The two Chinese teachers I was with, told her constantly to stop, but she just kept coming.

As soon as she grabbed me a second time, I lost it. I let out every bit of aggravation I had in me up to that point. I grabbed the bowl and threw it across the 4-lane road, the whole time screaming at her in Chinese. I tell them all the same thing I always say, “If you have two arms and two legs, you can do something other than begging. I come down here every day; I can’t afford to put money in every bowl, every day. I would like one day to be able to walk down the streets of China without being: run over by a taxi, grabbed by beggars, reminded that I am obviously a foreigner, or have some drunk fool constantly tell me HELLOAH!”

Normally, whenever there is a public scene, the Chinese will surround it and watch it like a spectator sport. I could see people lined up on the other side of the road, watching everything that was happening. But as soon as I was standing in the bike lane of the highway, screaming at the top of my lungs like a madman, people seemed to disperse, including the woman and her bowl.

Of course, that was the last time I did that. I learned my lesson, now; I just find the closest policeman and turn the person in. You have to remember, these are not truly beggars they are PROFESSIONAL beggars. They are bussed in from other provinces and set up shop for the summer.

Today was the third time.

I was hot, sunburned, tired, my feet were blistered, I was pissed off at some women who’s comprehension of time management was as limited as their English, and I was just not in the mood for anything.

The whole day, I was on a trip to the beach, people kept up the “Foreigner!” bit, but far more than usual. It was like every 5 seconds. I wouldn’t say anything I would just keep walking. Then, when I would get the “Helloah!” I would, like from a script, reply, “Hello!” only to hear the telltale “Huh huh huh” reply, as if they had just made the monkey eat an M&M or something.

Yes, many people say “Hello!” who don’t know English, but are being sincerely polite, that is why I always reply, “Hello!” no matter what, even if I am sure that it’s someone being sarcastic.

Today, however, I had let it roll off my back so much, it was piling up to my neck.

Today was full of those sarcastic people. The ones who would do it, then sit around with their friends and make snide remarks, thinking I wouldn’t understand.

Well, as I was walking back to the bus, I hit critical mass. In front of a restaurant, a group of men and women were all doing the, “Look, a foreigner… HELLOAH!”, and following it up with that stupid laugh.

I lost it. I just started pointing to them, while looking at the teachers who accompanied me, and said “LOOK, CHINAMAN! Ni HaoAH!…. Huh Huh Huh”. I did this, and then followed it up with, in Chinese, “I know what is impolite, do you?” This had them hiding themselves like roaches when you turn the lights on.

The one good thing that came out of it was that the bus driver was almost moved to tears he was laughing so hard. I gave him a quick wink and smile as I got on the bus.

As I said not to long ago, anger is something that we all have. God gave it to us for a reason. I try to control mine as best I can, but everyone has a breaking point. Mine just happens to be a little easier to get to than most.

It is never provoked to physical aggression, but I must say, sometimes I think when I am finished screaming, the people would have much rather been hit one good time.

Little things mean a lot.

Today, I made the discovery of a lifetime, in China that is. I have been through several bookstores from here to Beijing and back, looking for a specific type of dictionary: An English to Chinese dictionary. Now, I know, you are thinking, “Surely they have that type of dictionary in China.” And you would be right, they do. But, here is the problem:

There are several different Chinese to English / English to Chinese dictionaries on the market. This would seem helpful to the untrained eye, but there is a huge difference between looking up a word from Chinese to English than there is looking up a word from English to Chinese.

In ANY English dictionary, you will find the phonetic pronunciation immediately following any word you look up. This is extremely helpful for someone wanting to learn how to PRONOUNCE the word. Looking up a Chinese word from English is quite different.

First, when you find the word, several characters or sets of characters with multiple vocalizations tones, and so forth may represent it. Say there is only ONE character for the word; WATER for instance 水. This is fine and dandy if I just want to learn to READ Chinese, but now I need to find out how to pronounce it.

You now take out your trusty Chinese dictionary… but, how do you look up a Chinese character? Simple, you look it up alphabetically by it’s pronuncia… oh, wait, that’s right I don’t know how to pronounce it yet. This is where it gets fun.

You now take that Chinese dictionary and flip to the front. You now have to pick the character itself apart. You count the number of strokes used to create the character then look that number up in a table. Why is it a table? Well, some characters are quite complicated, so, to make things EASIER they have a system of looking up PARTS of those characters on the table.

Ok, so, lets say you find the correct corresponding number of strokes. Now you look through columns of characters to find the one you are looking for. Once you find it, the page number is listed beside it.

Now you go to that page, find the character, and then look at its pronunciation. 水 SHUĬ

If you think this is complicated, imagine looking up a word with 5 characters. You have to repeat this process 5 times, just to be able to pronounce the word.

I want a dictionary that I can look up WATER and get something like the following:

WATER - 水 (SHUĬ)

Otherwise, I have to buy a monstrosity of a Chinese to English / English to Chinese dictionary, or carry two of them around, just to be able to read and speak the word.

Yes, I have my little electronic dictionary, and that is a great help. It allows me to look up the pronunciation, but I need something for studying.

Today, I found one. But, it’s for children. I paid 8 元 for it, but I would have paid 800. Not only does it have the pronunciation, but also usage sentences in both English and Chinese. I could not have asked for anything better. Besides, the best way to learn something is to start like a child.

Yes, I could go online and buy one from Amazon.Com or the like, but that would just take the fun out of it. I’m on a continuing adventure of a lifetime, why try to change it?

Mr Clinton, can you tell us your definition of “We” is?

The other day, I was talking to Feng Mei. I asked her, just out of curiosity to find out how Chinese learn history… “Who one the war with Japan?”

She answered, “China did.” Now, this is not that unexpected. The war was fought by many countries; I bet if you went to the UK and asked someone there, they would say the same thing… “We did”. But, then I asked her, “Did America help?” To which she replied, “Russia helped, and so did Korea… America might have helped a little bit.” I didn’t argue with her, I just asked her, “How did the war end?” She said, “Japan surrendered.” I then asked, “What made them surrender?” She replied, “Many Chinese people pulled themselves out of poverty and struggled and beat the Japanese. So did the Russians and Koreans.”

Now, feeling a little tickled about her replies, I kept going. I asked her, “And the American’s helped just a little bit?” She said to me, “I think you are very proud of your homeland.” To which I said, “Well, yes, anyone would be; but don’t you think there might have been one or TWO things, to be exact, that caused the Japanese to surrender?” She had no idea what I was talking about.

I quickly pulled out my trusty electronic translator and typed in “Atomic Bomb”, and showed it to her. Her reply was something that truly shows the effects of propaganda, as if the conversation up to this point didn’t already.

She said, and I quote, “Oh, you mean when America bombed those two large cities and hurt many people…”

I love Feng Mei as if she were my own sister. I would never say anything to hurt her feelings, so I had to choose my words wisely. I could tell from her voice when she answered, that history wasn’t one of her strong points. Many of her answers seemed almost apologetic in their tones. So, I explained some things in somewhat of a history lesson.

First, I explained that, yes, we DID use the bombs in Japan, and it did hurt/kill many people. But the Japanese also hurt/killed many Chinese, Russian, Korean, Australian, British, American, and pacific Islanders. I also stressed the fact that the Japanese surrendered one day after we dropped the second bomb. I explained to her that the Japanese surrendered to the “Allied” forces being commanded by Douglas Macarthur. (I did laugh when she asked me who he was.) This was done on the deck of a US battleship with delegates from China, Australia, Russia, America, Canada and so forth.

I didn’t have the heart to tell her that even when Japan surrendered, they controlled nearly half of China. Not to mention the fact that China couldn’t even get it’s own armies to fight together. This was the actual beginning of the Taiwan situation now. I also never asked her, that if Japan surrendered because of the fighting in China, why did China lose Outer Mongolia? Or that it was the Potsdam Declaration that the Japanese agreed to. Or, that the Chinese Air Force was pretty much non-existent at the time. The people of China do know about the “Flying Tigers”, but they don’t realize the only reason they do remember them is because China couldn’t do what they were doing… flying fighter missions against the Japanese.

Now, on the other hand. The people in America and elsewhere really don’t know the history of China’s battle with the Japanese. China DID pick itself up and fought bravely and successfully against the Japanese. They lost many millions of people through some pretty horrific ways. One of the biggest injustices of the written “history” of the war is that most people will point out the atrocities of the Germans to the Jews, and I am not trying to belittle their memory, but the numbers don’t compare to what the people of China suffered at the hands of the Japanese. Trying to trick 6,000,000 people into walking into gas chambers is a little different than mass rape, pillaging, beheading, torture, degradation, slavery, starvation, and the likes of far more people.


Chinese Logic: Part 5 ¾

Ok, I’ve been over this one a few times already. Sometimes, logic is totally lost on a few of the citizens of this country. I am not calling anyone stupid, per say, I am simply stating what is a fact, that can not be disputed… especially by those I am referring to.

Tonight, I went on my never-ending search for the best deal on a new digital camera. I found a nice Cannon A75 at one shop for 3,180元, which came with a 32MB card, and a “free” 128MB card. The salesperson kept harping on the fact that I was getting a 580元 memory card for free.

I asked him, “Ok, can you sell me the camera without the card for 2,600元?” He was pretty insistent that this was not possible. As we all know, you really don’t get something for nothing, so this rather perturbed me, but I didn’t show any outward signs of this. I was just going with the flow. Besides, I really would have liked to have the extra card.

So, I asked if there was any discount at all. He said that he could give me a 9% discount, lowering the price to 2,860元. This was all fine and dandy, until about 15 minutes later, when the manager came up and said that it was ok to sell me the camera without the card. This is where things got pretty funny.

I said, “Ok, I want the camera, without the “Free” card, how much will that be?” He said “2,660元.” So I said, “Ok, and, with the 9% discount?” This caused his brain to go into some sort of hibernation mode. He sat there sort of stunned, looked at the manager and then back at me, finally the manager said he wasn’t sure what I was talking about.

I explained it in very basic terms, using both English and Chinese. I would say it in Chinese, then again in English. Both of them were using English to talk to me, so I thought I would make myself very clear by using both. It didn’t help they were clueless.

I finally asked him for a calculator. When I took the 3,180元, subtracted the 500元, he saw the 2,660 元 and said, “Yes, that’s right.” But, then I subtracted 9% from that, and when he saw that figure of 2,394元, he started to act like he didn’t have a clue as to where I was getting the 9% discount. I had to point out to him that the salesperson told me that he would give me a 9% discount on the CAMERA.

He got a little furious with me, and pretty soon, the feelings started to reciprocate. I finally told him, if you can give me a camera with a “free” card and a discount, then the discount is for the CAMERA, not the CARD. If you can sell me the same camera and lower the price by the cost of the card, then the card is NOT “free”, and the discount is for the package as a whole. Now, which is it?

It was quite amusing, because even the people who were accumulating around the “foreigner making a purchase” seemed to laugh when I pointed this out; which is the reason I first stated that it’s not ALL Chinese. I think the manager got the feeling that if he let me get away with this, the rest of the people would be over there buying out the cameras and cutting his profits.

I walked away with the biggest smile on my face and threw my hands up in the air. The feeling of the crowed was almost as if they were ready to cheer me.

You see the reason I was smiling was… There is another camera shop in town that has the same camera, and I know it comes with a 128MB card, NOT a 32MB card. These men were just trying to use the 128MB card as an extra selling point. I can get the same camera, with the 128MB card, at the other shop for 2,750元, and that is without bargaining. That is still less than their “discount” price.

I’m just trying to be a skillful shopper like my sisters are.


Oh, you might have noticed, I didn’t post anything last night. I went to a1n Shān (鞍山), a larger city, 4 hours to the north, by train.

Why did I go? Because it is there. (Pictures will be coming soon, as will the rest of them)

I had been feeling myself getting a little stagnant here in Jinzhou. I have become a little more accustomed to things, and I have not been out exploring like I used to. I knew, that if I didn’t get out and about, I might start falling into that downward spiral of anxiety again.

I must say, that just thinking about going on the trip started to make me a SLIGHT bit nervous, which did cause me some concern.

But, by the end of the trip, I had traveled there in a packed train, heated to about a million degrees. Spent the day in a city more populous than Jinzhou. Spent the night at the home of 3 people I had never met (family of one of my friends in Jinzhou). Had dinner with a group of people I never met. Walked about the city again, and then hopped the train back to Jinzhou.

Heck, if I got nervous just sleeping over my best friends house in the US, you can see how much of a change this is for me.

Today was a holiday in China. I ended up eating dinner with two brothers and their families (wife and one child each), and their parents. I headed off to the shopping district on the back of a motorbike, and rode back home twice as fast to beat a rainstorm.

I think it is safe to say, I am still 900000000000 times better than I was before I came here to China.

*** Chinese Travel Information Message ***: Anyone suffering from the grips of alcohol should NOT come to China, either that, or don’t ever try to befriend anyone. It is customary to take foreigners out to eat and make them feel guilty if you don’t drink with the host. I’ve mentioned the Bái Jiǔ (白酒) or “White Whiskey” here. This stuff was BROWN… Not sure, but I think it actually improved my eyesight.

Time-Space Continuum.

Today was just like most Sundays: Filled with children. It’s the greatest job in the world. I have more fun than anyone has a right to.

The concept that people need time to prepare for most anything is non-existent in China. No matter what you are asked or told to do, it is immediate. From eating to meetings, everything has to be done now now now.

I constantly have to remember this fact here. People are always asking if I want to do something. When I say yes, nobody ever mentions time or place of meeting, they just automatically reply, “I will be outside your building in 5 minutes.” then hang up. This can be downright aggravating at times.

It seems that everyone in China is either hitting the ground running, or they just like to see foreigners jump.

We are informed of mandatory “regular” meetings one hour before they are scheduled to start. Trip plans are made and tickets are purchased a day or two in advance, which is when we are informed of it. Classroom changes are given to us when we walk in the classroom door. Schedule changes are given 5 minutes before class begins. Paydays are modified within hours. You can see where this would cause most westerners problems.

It’s not laziness, or procrastination, its just… well… “The way it is.” as they like to tell me.

There are good sides to this also. Whenever you ask someone for help on something, they attend to your needs immediately. Even if you just mention it in general conversation. You tell someone you have a toothache, and you can be sure that they will set up a meeting at the dentists’ office within 5 minutes, and you won’t ever see them do it.

One of the bad effects this has is that we are often late for things. This is only natural when you are sitting in your room half naked and someone calls and asks if you want to go to the beach, then says “Meet you in 5 minutes”. I honestly have no idea how the Chinese do this with each other, I mean are these people prepared for any instance that might arise if a friend calls them and asks them to go? Do they have a pole to the “Bat Cave” like Batman; where they can just slide down and poof, they are in a bathing suit with a picnic basket if their friend calls and invites them to the beach, or poof, they are in tennis shoes with racket in hand if they are invited to play tennis? The answer to this question eludes me.

None of this would be that big of a problem if the Chinese were not OVERLY critical of time.

Once, I said, “I will be back in a minute”, only to come back 5 minutes later to find the person gone. They had literally sat there for one minute then left. Now, when I give general time information, I make it a range of 10 to 30 minutes. This usually gets a reply of “THIRTY MINUTES!” I always tell them, if they are going to scream when I am 3 minutes late, I am going to give myself plenty of time to be early.

Today, however, the tables were turned, and I saw how serious they are about all of this:

I walked into the office at 8:25, for my 8:30 class. I always go to the office first; I have been trained to be prepared for any change in schedule, or it will screw up my whole day.

Yesterday, I had a pretty rough day with classes, and I had to go home early to get some rest because of a bad headache. I had an important class that evening, so I wanted to be 100% for it. Everyone in the office knew I was beat; it was pretty evident. I must say this was the first time I have ever missed a class in 9 months.

Anyway, today, when I walked into the office, someone came up and said that I didn’t have class that morning, until 10:30. Now, this was not that big of a problem for me, because I was feeling pretty good. But when they had realized that they didn’t call me to inform me, knowing I had been quite tired the day before, you would have thought they mistakenly shot my prized goat or something.

There I was, sitting in the office when I could have been getting a few more hours of shuteye, resting my weary body.

** Useless off topic info inserted here ***: Using Johnson’s “Prickly Heat” baby powder on your sweaty nether regions is a bad idea. *** End of useless off topic information ***

One other good result of this time predicament is that it forces me to do things and not to think too much about them. This was one of my main problems with my anxiety for years. It’s hard to get anxious about something when you are doing it before you have the chance to think about it.

I mention all of this, not to be critical, but to show you some of the things that I deal with on a constant basis here in China. To tell the truth, it is things like this that make this place so enjoyable. It keeps me on my toes, and keeps me from vegetating.

I do love this place.

Anger Management – Chinese Style.

Anyone who has known me for any period of time knows I had a large problem with my anger in my youth. Youth passes and we grow wiser; but that does not mean I have tamed my anger completely. Nobody ever can, really; it’s an emotion God gave us, and even his son was pushed to anger. It is a part of all of us.

My anger stems from the fact that I think too much about things, I pick them apart to no end. This is my nature, and it is one of the reasons I believe I found computers so interesting. There was no end to what I could “pick apart”, yet everything was logical, there was a reason for everything. I also don’t kid myself; I know this is the reason I am still single… I know if I don’t stop worrying about what the future would hold with one woman, I will never have a future with ANY woman. (Believe me, I’m working on that.)

I think the fact that I am in China is really starting to calm that part of my personality down. When you deal with a culture where things they do would normally be thought of as bizarre in your own culture, you get used to letting things go. All you have to do is take a 5-minute walk down the streets of this city to understand what I mean. I took a picture the other day where, in one picture, there were taxi’s on the sidewalk, people walking in the bike lane, bikes in the car lane, and 3 cars, side by side, traveling down the left hand lane in the wrong direction. This is quite common.

I used to let this get to me too much, until I realized that everyone in this city is accustomed to it and, where I would normally be angry with another driver/biker/pedestrian, they would not be. They “go with the flow”. I am trying my hardest to pick up this trait; I know it will help me a great deal.

Another bit of therapy for me is the fact that no matter how right I may be, I can never win any argument here in China. Logic does not exist. When you deal with a people who have been told what to do and how to think for this many years, logic has a way of escaping them. This is another reason they all “go with the flow”; they have no other option.

It is quite hard to win an argument when their whole defense is “That’s just the way it is.”

China is also the epitome of contradiction. On one hand, they are angered at anyone calling China “3rd World” or the like. Yet, when you point out some of the blatant oddities in their culture, they will use the defense of “China is a developing country”. This is the best example I can give of this:

While walking down the streets of Shenyang with Mr. Chen, I questioned him on the yellow tiled line that appeared in every “traversable” piece of sidewalk in China. He looked at me and said “Don’t you have anything for blind people in America?” to which I replied, “No, but we also don’t have taxi’s driving on the sidewalks.” to which he replied, “Well… China is a developing country.”

This is what I mean, in one breath, he went from saying, China was further advanced than America because it has something for the blind to use when walking down the sidewalks; then reversing his whole idea to defend driving taxi’s on those same sidewalks as being a part of a less advanced culture.

How can you not pull your hair out with logic like this? You can see how someone with anger issues would slowly learn to restrain that anger to a manageable level.

Oh, and no, I never really understood the reasoning of YELLOW tiles for the BLIND… I’m just trying to let that one go as well… as I will the fact that even SIGHTED people don’t use the seemingly bomb damaged sidewalks here. (I’m dead serious. At night, you won’t see one person using the sidewalks; everyone walks in the streets, including myself. We would rather be hit by a car than to fall face first into who knows what.)

See how much fun I am having? Like I said once before: I’m living out the “Who’s on First” skit of Abbot and Costello.

Bad case of the “Blaah’s”.

Today was a semi-interesting day. I had my Friday morning class, as usual. The few remaining students are a good group of kids. Listen to me… calling university students “Kids”. I feel younger than they probably do. Their writing skills have improved greatly. This was a major feat, considering that I am the only one with a book, and that I’m no writer by any stretch of the imagination.

What I have them do is, just as I would have any student do, practice practice practice. I have them write in every class, and I always give a short homework assignment. Believe me, compared to the rest of their classes it’s a breeze. I have not graded one single paper in the class. I just correct them and hand them back. They have been using these corrections as learning tools. Right now, it’s just a matter of grammar, so it helps them. I started out writing “Good!”, “Very Good”, and the like, but now I have to use terms like “Utterly Amazing” because they have improved so much. They always compare my notes with each other, but nobody ever seems to get too irritated if they don’t match up to their friends.

I say I have not graded a single paper, and that is true. I don’t grade in any of my classes until the last day (Of course, I don’t grade primary school children at all). I tell everyone that I grade on improvement. We all make mistakes; even the most learned English writer/speaker makes mistakes. I correct them when they make mistakes, and they modify their writing habits accordingly.

Some of the students with higher skills often don’t like this grading system. They often wonder why they make a lower final grade compared to someone with a lower skill. I had to put someone straight last term, by reminding her that I had told the class every day that I grade on improvement. If you think you will sit in my class and float through because you are more advanced than the rest of the class, it’s not going to cut it. It ends up pissing off a lot of those types of students, but it also brings great joy to those students at a lower level who worked hard all semester.

The whole idea of going to ANY class is to learn. Getting by on previous knowledge is NOT learning. Don’t worry, it’s not like I am dealing with individuals who have English skills so advanced they can’t improve. If they had, they should be teaching the class, not me… not I… not… ahhh screw it.

Another interesting thing has happened with my primary school classes. I’m not saying I am a better teacher, or anything of the sort. But recently, I have been given a few of my OWN classes. I say “my own”, because I am used as a review tool for the regular teachers. I go in and help the students with their pronunciation and some grammar. I don’t go strictly by the book I go by ear. When I hear something wrong, I fix it. This is a daily occurrence, so I will have a steady job for a while now.

Anyway… Most of these classes use a textbook that is rather, well, dull. This is one of the reasons I don’t go by the book. There are just so many times I can read, “Who can kick the ball? I can kick the ball!” out loud. Of course, some of the children are so young, that type of teaching is required, but for the majority of them, they have minds that are far more advanced than the material. It’s all in the presentation.

I’m not going to insult an adult learning to read, by handing them a copy of “See Jane Run”, or “Curious George”, you can teach them the same things, but in an adult way. This is what I am doing with my classes, and I am having great success.

I went and bought a “Condensed” version of “Wind in the Willows” for every one of my students. I have told every student, primary and university; the easiest way to learn English is to read. They always say, “I want to improve my listening and spoken English skills.” I always let them know that the easiest way to improve your listening and speaking skills is to learn grammar. The best way to do that is to read. For the most part we write, as we would speak.

Once they learn basic grammar, they will pick up more of a conversation, thus improving their listening skills. Once they learn basic grammar, they not will sentences say in order the wrong, thus, improving their spoken English.

(HOLY CRAP! My grammar check on MS Office didn’t pick that one up at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

Anyway, we are reading the book in class. I told them, even when we are finished, I want them to read the book again. If they don’t understand, it’s ok, just use your dictionary for words you don’t know. When you finish, if you still don’t understand, read it again… and again… and again, until you DO understand. If they can do that one simple thing, their English would improve so much.

We are having a blast in class, finding new words, new expressions, and imagining Mr. Mole and Mr. Rat on their travels.

One of my other favorite things to do in my class is to play the “20 Questions” game with them. This forces them to, in essence, THINK in English. I think of the word, they think of the questions, narrowing the possible answers with each question. This one little game is one of the best teaching tools.

For the younger classes, I write the word “Apple” on the board, underline the letter “e”, and ask the next person to give me an “E” word. When they give it to me, they have to tell me how many syllables there are in it. Syllables are something that Chinese have a problem with, seeing as how every Chinese word is pretty much a very short one syllable word, or several one syllable words strung together, of course, this depends on the local dialect, but it’s a safe bet that 99% are one syllable.

For example: the word for small (xiao - 小) and the word for heart (xin - 心), combined, means careful or xiao xin - 小心

This leads to children using the same system when speaking English. Green turns into “Gah-Reen”, Blue turns into “Ba-loo”

But, we are semi-guilty of the reverse, when it comes to the written language. Beijing is actually "Bei Jing". Tiananmen is actually “Tian An Min” but we write them as one word.

Oh, one last thing…

I had one of those “Kick myself in the head” days a few weeks back. I was looking up a word in the dictionary and came across “Pekingese”, the small flat-faced dog breed. I saw it and said “Ahhh, that is the type of dog everyone seems to have here in China. I wonder why?” We pronounce it like “Pee ka nese”, but it’s actually “Peking ese”, referring to something coming from PEKING… as in BEJING CHINA… Man, I felt so stupid.

Rain Rain Go Away…

Yes, it’s been raining for the past two days here. This is the most rain we have had since I arrived in Jinzhou. Let me tell you, we need it. During the winter, we only had a few days of any reasonable snow, and with this uncommonly hot weather, the ground is crying for moisture. (Not to mention I like the squishy feeling of my wet feet in my new sandals.)

I think I might be in a lot of trouble… I inadvertently told Feng Mei that I had written about her. She insisted I show her what I have written so far. I printed out what I have put here on my updates, and gave her the nearly 5 pages of A4 paper. I might be killed tomorrow morning when I go to work.

Speaking of trouble… One of the foreign teachers here, who I know pretty well, was in an “altercation” the other day, with a taxi driver. He was on his way to Shenyang with his fiancé to get married.

This is one of those situations that screams, “Chinese Logic”.

He had asked the taxi driver to take him to the train station, but the driver insisted on stopping short of the station because of traffic. The teacher tried to explain that it was for this reason that he hailed a taxi to begin with. The driver would have none of it.

Well, the teacher exited the taxi, but his fiancé stayed in it. The driver somehow took this as being stiffed by the teacher, so he got out of the taxi and, while the teacher was not facing him, punched him in the back of the head.

Now, this teacher is about 6’ 4” and not a 97lb. weakling by any stretch of the imagination. I have no idea what the driver was thinking. But, in response, the teacher decked the driver, knocking him back to the taxi.

It was at this point that the fiancé exited the car and asked him just to pay the driver so they could get out of there. The teacher handed the driver the 5元 fare, about $0.60US, but the driver threw it on the ground. The teacher then decided to leave, but the driver must have had some death wish, for he, again, punched the teacher in the back of the head. Not wanting to continue down this path, the teacher grabbed his fiancée to leave.

This is where it gets interesting. In China, the term “Saving Face” has meaning beyond any foreigners’ comprehension. Chinese would rather lose money than lose face. By walking away, the teacher was making the taxi driver lose face. Not wanting to accept this, the driver decided to slug the teachers’ fiancée.

It was at this point that the driver learned the literal meaning of losing face… and teeth, three to be exact.

Well, this being China, and the logic that surrounds such things being illogical, the teacher ended up having to pay the driver 3,000元. No, this is not fair, but there was no other recourse. The drivers “story” was backed up by all the other drivers (this town is full of taxi’s); and you can be sure that the police got a nice piece of the action.

Besides, the driver was asking for 20,000元, and the way things work here, the powers that be said that if the teacher didn’t pay now, the driver would go to the hospital and the bill would be far more.

What has me a little agitated at the whole thing is that the papers covered it. Of course, they took the side of the driver as well. Now, everyone has that “Foreigners Bad!” feeling in his or her mind. I went to the primary school office, and while discussing this, I asked them, “Think logically (as if this was even possible), WHY would anyone just up and beat a taxi driver and stay at the scene?” This actually did make a few of them understand a little better.

What had me laughing about the whole thing was that Feng Mei thought it was me. I told them at the office, if it had been me, there wouldn’t be anything in the paper. I know, I have a lot of both of my Grandmothers in me, but I also know I have a tad bit of my fathers father in me. I told them the man wouldn’t be able to talk to the police once I got finished with him.

My father tried to instill in me the old adage of “Turn the other cheek.” and on one occasion, when I was about 6, I saw him utilize it. There is something about seeing your father walk away from a quite winnable fight, that makes you think, “If he can do it, so can I.”

In my life, I have rarely gotten into any physical altercations, but the ones I have been in have always been the result of someone saying or doing something to/about a family member; it just really sets me off. I’d like to think that there is a reason for this, other than genetics; so I’ll use the following as my explanation:

When I was 10 or so, I was on the bus with my sister and my brother. At the time, my brother had this habit of pulling and twisting the hair on the top of his head. So much so, that he had a nice bald spot there (maybe there is a correlation between this and his being bald now). Anyway, one of the boys on the bus kept making fun of him. I repeatedly told him to stop. Finally, I said, in that bizarre 10-year-old logic, “If you do it one more time, I’m going to hit you in the eye.”
Lets just say, he came to school the next day with a black eye.

When I got home that day, I can vividly remember running to my room to avoid punishment (The bus driver told my father, when he came to pick us up.) As I sat there waiting for the minutes until bedtime ticked away, I heard that sound that nobody ever likes to hear: Their mother calling them in a serious tone.

I went down to the kitchen to find my mother sitting at the table… alone. This was quite strange, for my father was the disciplinarian of the family. Although, I would much rather take 10 licks with Dad’s belt than to have to be punished by “The Terminator”. Mom has a way of making your brain, stomach, and emotions go into knots.

She looked at me and said, “Your father told me what happened on the bus today…” Man, I was waiting for the worst. I still get that ill feeling in the pit of my stomach, just thinking about it. She continued, “I just wanted to tell you…”

“… Thanks for sticking up for your brother.”

See, sometimes even mom’s can be cool. (This made sticking up for family “OK”.)

Fun with flowers.

I’ve gone ahead and signed a six-month contract with Bohai University. This way, I will be free over the summer to look for employment elsewhere. But, from what I have seen so far, barring a move to another city simply for its beauty, Bohai has the best to offer me.


Today, while walking to the center of the city, I saw a gaggle of children sitting by a streetlight. As soon as they saw me, I heard the usual “FOREIGNER!” in Chinese. They came running at me with their hands full of flowers. One of them started rattling off Chinese until one of them said I didn’t understand. I laughed, because, it was one of those rare occurrences where I actually did understand. They were selling flowers for some school function or the like. They were going for 2元 each, which is actually quite high, as most things being sold for school functions are.

Not having a need for flowers, I pulled out 10元, bought 5, and handed them back to the 5 little girls nearest me. They were overjoyed, and the crowd of people who stopped to look also seemed to think it was a nice gesture.

Yesterday, I had another one of those strange situations happen to me. The kind where you sit back, think about what’s going on and get blown away by the whole thing. I’m not a drinker, but I do occasionally go to one or two of the clubs that other westerners frequent. I try to keep in touch with them.

After the club closed, I ended up escorting 5 beautiful Russian women home. Don’t get the wrong idea I was being a gentleman. But there I was, a red blooded American, walking down a street in China, with 5 Russian women, holding a conversation in English, German, Chinese, and a LITTLE Russian. (I’m still waiting to meet someone I can use a little Spanish with. JAJA)

As I have said, every day is an adventure here. Who could ask for more from life?

Military Secrets.

If you want to find any military secrets in China, it helps a great deal to be a foreigner. Not only will they inform you of where they are, but they will also explain them in detail and walk you to them.

The Chinese are very cunning. They hide their satellite research centers in what appears to be a normal, everyday apartment complex. Complete with what appear to be wandering civilians of all ages.

I am quite aware of the normal military installations here in Jinzhou; you can’t really miss them. They have the largest Mao, or military type statues in front of them. Not to mention the uniformed guards.

I walk by these places quite often because they are situated on the main roads close to places where many people go. For example, the regional military complex is sitting on the main road of the city, beside the main shopping district. The Air Force training academy is on the main road, right beside the largest hospital.

I have often had that strange yet amusing feeling that someone might mistake me as some western spy or something, and I usually do my best to act on my best behavior when passing them. Sometimes, the guards actually break protocol and wave or smile at me.

Tonight was a different story.

The university’s main campus is on the main street of the city. I am friends with a family that live two streets parallel to the other side of that road. It takes me only 10 minutes to walk there, but a few weeks ago, my friend showed me a “short cut”.

The apartment complex directly across the street from the university has open access to the other side, so I don’t have to walk down to the corner to cross. This would shave about 3 minutes off my walk. Not to mention, it’s the cleanest place I have seen in this city.

Anyway, as I was approaching the complex on my way home from my friends, a casually dressed midge… umm… Chinese man approached and stopped me. This had me confused, seeing as how the uniformed guards to the complex didn’t even lift their chairs into the upright position from leaning against the guardhouse. (Uniformed guards are commonplace, they are just like any other security guard, but here, they do far less than their international counterparts.)

From what he was saying, I could gather that he wanted to know what I was doing. So, being friendly, I told him I was going to the university, where I lived. He quickly told me I could not walk there. The whole time, I was looking at the security guards for some sort of sign as to the varsity of his statements. He told me I had to walk around the block.

At this point, I got rather steamed. I said, loud enough for everyone to hear, that I know Chinese people cut through there all the time, what was so different? (At this time, a woman and her son who were going to cut through hesitated, after hearing what was going on).

I pointed at the lady and her son, and at the column of middle school students who were on their bikes, leaving the complex, obviously cutting through on their way home from school. I said, in Chinese, “What, for the Chinese, it’s ok, but for foreigners it’s not ok? People are always cutting through the university campus, should I start stopping them?”

At this point, my friend, whose 5th floor apartment faced the road, hung out the window with his wife, and yelled for me to go on through. I told them that I couldn’t, because foreigners were bad, but Chinese were good. He said he would come right down, but I told him it was ok, that I would just walk around.

I thought, at this point, it was all a racial thing. I have felt the sting of racism before, (I was discriminated against because of my race by what people call “Affirmative Action”, losing out on what would have been a nice job with Duke Power, to a less qualified man of a different color.) but this was a little more irritating, seeing as how 99% of the people here are more than friendly. Not to mention, that when you live in a culturally diverse country, you grow accustomed to knowing that people may not like you for the color of your skin.

As I got to the other side of the complex, the long way around, I wanted to see if the woman and her son were coming out of the other side. As I approached the gate, my friend popped up on his motorbike. We sat there at the entrance for about 5 minutes, while he tried to explain what he thought it might be. Out of nowhere came the man who was so adamant about my traveling through the complex.

I, in my usual style, waved at him sarcastically. Yes, I was a little pissed. When he walked over, I said, “What, can’t I talk to my friend, or is that forbidden by you also?” He spoke to my friend for a while, and I asked my friend to ask him who he was. Since he obviously wasn’t a guard, how could he tell me I couldn’t go through, yet he lets all the Chinese cut through there.

To make a long story short… He must have been some HORRIBLY plain-clothes military security. It seems that part of this beautiful complex is used for satellite research for the military. He pointed the building out to me, told me what it was, and explained that I could go through if I was with a friend, but not alone.

From what I have gathered so far about the Chinese military, and the Chinese space program, it’s probably just a satellite for picking up pirated HBO.

Pictures pictures pictures.

I have added pictures to the “ME” section of my China Pictures. Go have a look see. I have many more, but I wanted to at least get a few out there so I can get back into the swing of things with this web page.

Today, I signed a contract for 6 months. I figured this would give me time to think about my future here. I like it here, and I am interested in staying. I know, some of you are thinking “Why”, and I will soon put a page out there explaining all my reasons, and allow you all to post your comments and thoughts about it. I want your input on the subject.

I learned that the new building WILL have air conditioning… YES! I also requested that I be put on the top floor (6th). This way, I can see everything, and I won’t have to put up with any upstairs noises. Not that I have to put up with any now, the man and his daughter who live above me now are wonderful. I have just learned my lesson before; I always pick the top floor. Not to mention the extra exercise I will be getting by going up all those stairs. For some reason, the Chinese must either be scared of elevators, or have no idea as to their purpose. I have found only one building in this city with an elevator. It’s a glass, outdoor elevator.

I will have a small raise in pay, but money has never really been a subject for me here. Yes, I welcome it, but my well-being is more important.

I purchased a few more Chinese language books today, in preparation for really hitting the books when I get to my new home. I have decided to set aside one corner of the room for nothing but Chinese studies. I am going to also set aside two hours every night, without phone, television, or computer. I am very keyed up about the whole thing.

I have been worried about moving away from the city, so I have planned this study time to give myself something to look forward to; like a buffer for the difference in living arrangements.

I don’t know why, but recently I have been feeling happier. No particular reason that I can find. I guess it’s just, well, life is still so good.

Tonight is very cool. I’m hoping it stays this way for a while. There is an energy shortage here in China, because of the abnormally hot weather this spring. China has a long way to go with its power production, but it’s working on it. The main drain is in the southern part of China. This will be resolved when the Three Points Project is finished. They are placing a dam on the Yangtze River. I plan on traveling down it by boat this summer, it will be the last time to see it before it gets dammed up.

China needs to start putting more emphasis on hydroelectric power and nuclear energy. They spend far to many resources with coal and wood. Anyone wanting to bash the power companies in America because of the dams and nuclear power plants should come and spend one winter here in Jinzhou. After they have to live with the coal smoke, barren landscape stripped of trees, causing dust storms out the ying-yang; they might sing a different tune.

Anyway, that is one of my plans, along with possibly heading to Tibet. I might tag along with some of the Japanese students. Either that, or if I do buy a motorcycle, I will take an extended road-trip.

Bloggin’ Break.

Yes, it’s been a few days. I’ve been busy, if you call having fun being busy. I have written a few updates, but they just never seemed to have what it takes to be posted. So, I have decided to discuss something of greater importance… bizarre fashion.

I stated in one of my previous updates about the fashion differences between where I grew up, and here in Jinzhou. Women here wear the tightest pants known to mankind. Forget worrying about panty lines, they are tight enough to read the label.

As most of you are aware, I am a single man, so this does not bother me in the least. Yes, as in every culture, there are those women whose bodies don’t exactly measure up to the fashions they are attempting to pull off.

But, with the onset of warm weather, a perplexing phenomenon has arisen. Women wear a type of sock here, which can only be compared to nylons that stop right above the ankle. To me, they are nothing more than the types of nylons you would see hanging down around the ankles of old ladies.

I’m scared. Am I supposed to find that attractive? I’m caught in a hormonal conflict… If I start thinking of this as attractive, I am worried that I might start hitting on old ladies if I return to the states. If I’m NOT supposed to find this attractive, the only women who DON'T wear them in Jinzhou are OLD LADIES. Either way, I am completely lost.

Don’t be surprised if I bring home a 90-year-old Chinese bride someday.

E-Mail Update - 6/11/2004

Contract time.

I am looking over the new contract that has been presented to me. I have just a FEW problems with it, but nothing that is out of the ordinary.

We are given a 300元/Month increase in salary for signing a new contract. This is normal. However, this time, there is a slight modification to the hours of the contract. Where I was teaching 16, I would now be teaching 18. This amounts to 8 extra hours a month, or 400元/Month income. So, the way I look at it, I am coming out 100元 short. It seems to me, that my income should increase, not decrease, but I am in China, sometimes logic does not exist.

Today, I spent the afternoon working on my OWN addendum to the contract. The contract handed to us is always worded as to “… if you do this…” and “… if you do that…”. I have taken it upon myself to add a few “… ok… but, if YOU do this…” type of statements, which I will request be added to the contract before I sign.

I know, this sounds a little pompous on my side, but you are not here, you have not lived here, you don’t know the types of things that every foreign teacher has to deal with. I am not complaining it’s just that there are some things that the university has neglected to think about when it comes to foreign teachers.

For example:

There are several students at this college who are majoring in English. For a person who is a native speaker of English, it is a complete waste to be teaching students who are not English majors. We end up teaching students who have little or no comprehension of the language.

Now, that sounds like the perfect place for a foreign teacher, right? Wrong. It is better for a native Chinese English teacher to instruct them. It is far more beneficial to have a teacher who can actually instruct them in their own language.

I believe it is better for us to be used to hone the skills of those who have been taught English to the point where their pronunciation and grammar need improvement. Many of the Chinese English teachers, although very educated in English, still have their own problems with pronunciation.

But, instead, we are stuck in classrooms where students can’t answer anything above a “Yes or No” question. And, even then, guess at the answer. You think I am kidding? Every foreign teacher will tell you about the one or two DOZEN students they have in their classroom that do not understand one word they are saying.

I’m not saying those students should give up, but they should be instructed by someone who can at least explain the lesson to them so that they understand.

I’m quite serious, I have taught a 4-year-old whose English level is far above that of MANY of my university students.

This is the type of thing I want to avoid. By the time the end of the term comes, half of the class has either flunked or just left for good. Maybe this is just the reason the university uses to gain income… each student must pay over 100元 for every class they fail. (I don’t agree with this, but these are the rules).

Another thing that I want added is:

The university has come up with the rules and regulations. It is run by the “State”, as in the government. It is well versed with the rules and regulation. I want it stated that if they, the ones who have come up with the rules, break them, they must pay the full fine of 3,000元 that we must also pay if we break the contract. I also want the option to continue working for the university if they break the contract, however, without being bound by the contract anymore.

In other words, if they mess up, I get paid and I keep working. If I mess up, they get paid, and I leave the country. This only seems fair.

We are always accused of being stuck-up when it comes to dealing with the Chinese teachers. This is far from the truth. The university has taken it upon itself to remove us from most interaction with any native teachers.

We are housed away from them. We are not allowed into the same break rooms with them. Most of our gatherings do not include anyone but foreign teachers. Heck, we are rarely introduced to the dean of whichever college we are teaching for.

This has a few irritating results. We constantly are told not to be late for class, not to change the schedule, not to let class out early. Well, this sounds like a normal, basic rule. But the university is not bound by this same rule. They are always canceling classes without giving us prior notification. Sometimes it is because of some strange holiday that we couldn’t find on a calendar if we wanted to.

And, sometimes, classes are moved. I am tired of taking time to go to the campus on the other side of the city, only to find that the class isn’t there, the door is locked, the class is on a different floor, another class is in my room, or another teacher is instructing my class. Each of these things has happened to me.

I want it stipulated that if we are to inform the university of cancellation of class because of illness or the like, that they must also inform us of the same thing. If not, I get paid overtime for that class period.

Again, I think this is only fair.

Also, we are required to obey the rules, regulations, and laws of the university and China. This is nothing new to me I understand this fully. But I want it also stated, that anyone holding a residency permit be treated to the same standards, given the same respect, freedoms, and the like, as any other resident of this city.

In other words… If the Chinese teachers are not locked into their homes, neither should I. (Anyone who has read all of my updates knows how much of a thorn this is in my side).

Montezuma’s revenge, Chinese style.

I don’t know what I ate, or what crawled into my belly the other night, but whatever it was, does not like food to be in me.

I had the same thing a few months ago, when I ate some clams that must have been around when Methuselah walked the earth. This time, I knew exactly what to do. Head to the doctor, no playing around.

Always trying to find the silver lining, I must admit, the campus “hospital” is the coolest place on campus. I’m thinking of being sick tomorrow, just to get out of the heat.

I have written before about the hospital. As with most of the buildings on this campus, it is quite old. I trust everything the doctors say and give me, I have no other choice. Their practices are quite sterile, but the building is far from it. I think it was the bare concrete walls and floor that added to the coolness of the building. Even with the doors wide open and no air conditioning, I stopped sweating like a pig for 20 minutes. I can’t even pull that off in my own room.

Today, it was close to 100°F, and it’s not even summer yet. I asked a girl today if it gets much hotter in the summer here. She said she didn’t know, because it was never this hot so early in the year. WATER… WATER… Help me… I need WATER.


Do you know what is worse than not being able to watch your favorite TV show? Being able to watch it… in CHINESE. What’s worse, it’s got subtitles also… IN CHINESE. You have to remember, there are two major dialects here in China, Mandarin and Cantonese. Both sound quite different, but they use the same written language. So, most shows have subtitles in case it is shown in an area in which the dialect spoken is not the same as the show.

CSI is one of my favorite shows. It was one of the only things I knew I was going to miss on television when I got here. (Besides my addiction to 24-hour news.) Now, to be able to see it, but NOT understand it; that’s like dangling a bottle of water just out of reach of a man dying of thirst. It’s just plain cruel.

I can sit here and watch some movies from Hong Kong, which use Cantonese, dubbed in Mandarin, subtitled in both Chinese and English. It’s a tad confusing, but I enjoy them when I can. And they help me learn the language, to tell the truth.

Which reminds me. I have a new favorite pastime, making English sentences out of Chinese, and asking the teachers at the Primary school to read them for me. It’s quite amusing to write:
爱吗 四里 我满 and wait for them to read “Ai Ma Si Li Wo Man” out loud. It means nothing in Chinese, but when they sound like they are saying “I’m a silly woman”, it just cracks me up. Especially when they realize what they have said.

I know, I’m infantile, but I get my laughs when and where I can.

Longhaired, hippie type, pinko kids.

Anyone who has ever watched a travel show, been to another country, or just walked through any college campus, might know what type of person I grew to despise at one point in my life. That type that walk around in jeans that are wearing out too much, baggy shirts, shorts that come down over their knees, sandals, fanny packs or backpacks. We have all seen the type. The ones acting as pseudo intellectuals as if they are “breaking the mold”, when we have seen the same type year after year. (My personal favorite, the ones who plaster the anarchy symbol on everything they own. Is it just me, or can’t anyone else see the irony behind a universal symbol for anarchy? Is that irony, oxymoron, or what? Mr. Forest, I need your help here.)

Well… I’m starting to understand the rationale behind one part of their “persona”… clothing.

I found myself in a pair of leather sandals today, searching for a pair of knee length shorts, wishing I had brought my “fanny pack” with me. At least I still have the physique to pull it off. But, I added my own special flair: a wife-beater type t-shirt. I’m getting closer to the “skate board” look, and it scares me. Not that I am going through an early mid-life crisis or anything, the weather dictates these things.

It’s HOT here. No, it’s not hotter than I have lived in before, but the difference is, THERE WAS ALWAYS AN ESCAPE FROM IT! Not here. I have no air conditioning, none of the stores do, none of the restaurants do; the only escape is to buy a mildly cool bottle of water or tea and chug it down.

Now, as for home, I take what seem like constant cold showers. Not only because it’s hot, but also because beautiful Asian women, especially one of the teachers who I work with, surround me constantly. I’ve only said this a few times in my life, but I could actually picture myself being married to a woman like her, but she has a boyfriend. That’s always my luck. I can write that in my update, because none of the teachers would ever know whom I am talking about.

(As I speak, there is a huge moth flying around my room, I think the draft from his wings is the closest thing I have seen to air conditioning in a while.

A few nights ago, I was walking in the night market, when someone explained to me the purpose of the several rolled, pressed straw and bamboo mats they were selling. They are to put on your bed, to make you cooler when you sleep. I bought one instantly. The best way to describe it is this: We have all seen those cheap placemats made from rigid straw… Imagine that, but HUGE.

I put one on my bed, and I slept directly on it, it was one of the coolest nights I have spent here, baring the winter freeze we have. I’m thinking of boxing one up and sending it to the parents.
Another major thing happening now with me: Mr. Chen has said he will look into finding a place where I can have access to CNN or the like, for viewing the state funeral of Reagan. It will start early in the morning here, but I am hopeful he will find a place for me. CNN IS available in China, I just happen to live in an area where it’s only accessible through satellite dish, and… well… the state owned cable network does not look too kindly on satellite. Heck, they don’t look too kindly on any type of antenna other than rabbit ears for those without cable. But, that is another story.

Yes, I love China, and yes, there are several advancements, but some small bits of the old way still exist here. Not that it’s BAD, its just… different.

You know what they say about men with big feet…

They can’t buy shoes in China.

I was in the middle of a store today, offering 1,000元 to anyone who could find a pair of tennis shoes/sandals/breathable shoes in my size. The only thing you can find in my size here, are those monstrosities that you see on TV commercials for basketball players. The type you would not be caught dead in, unless you were on a playground full of other gangly 13 year olds with oversized feet.

(Note: Dad, I am not asking you to send me shoes. I repeat, do not send shoes. Now, a few dozen pairs of socks might be nice, but not the knee-high tube socks I wore as a child… remember, I am 35. Just plain white cotton socks that come up to my ankle. Yes, white… I know I am older, but contrary to what Liz says, I’m not dressing more and more like you every year.)

I don’t know why, but for some reason, every time I read back over that last paragraph, I can’t get the “Shrubbery” scene from “The Holy Grail” out of my head. “Something nice… not too big… for that layered look…”

Anyway.

I am getting ready to sign another yearlong contract with Bohai University. For all of my friends and family, this is my decision; I have made it, so nah nanny boo boo. Yes, the economy is starting to pick up in the “States”, but I can still see no good reason to leave what God has given me here.

The summer break is right around the corner, and I am looking forward to moving to the new campus. (This only reminds me that I need to start working on putting all of these pictures on the web page) The only reservations I have about moving to the new campus is that it is further away from the center of the city. I really do like being in the “midst” of everything here, and it’s going to be hard to give that up.

One thing about this area of China though, it seems to move outwards, not upwards. Being that this is now more of a College city, since most of the industrial base has left the area, it won’t be long before people start moving that way. That gives me an idea… Since private ownership of land is now a viable option in China, I might invest. Who knows, one day maybe a Ford dealership will want my property.

Ok, now on to one quirky, yet highly agitating, habit of many of this cities resident’s: Littering.

Thos of us who grew up before that sorrowful Indian shed a tear for the environment, or the “Give a hoot” campaign, have an idea of a FRACTION of the type of pollution I am referring to. It is to the point of insanity here. I know there are cultural differences, but this is just plain laziness, as it was in America 30 years ago.

I’m always catching my students throwing things on the ground. I know that it is a common accepted thing, so I don’t make them feel bad about it, but I get them to pick it up and throw it away. I do this by smiling and rolling my eyes, then pointing to the trash. All of “my children” love me; we are more like a big group of friends than anything.

Tonight, as I was entering one of the little shops on campus to buy some… umm… NUTRITIOUS… umm… 汉堡 I won’t translate that, but it’s pronounced “hàn bǎo”. Maybe, if you are smart, you will figure it out.

Anyway… As I was entering, there was a young couple standing at the entrance. They had just bought two ice cream cones. The girl took her wrapper and just dropped it in front of her, on the ground, with the hundreds of other wrappers. I said nothing; I just walked over, picked it up, and without taking another step, reached two feet and put it in the trashcan standing beside her. I was surprised to hear “Thank you”. I’m not sure, but from my examination of the culture here, she will think twice about doing it again.

(I won’t mention the fact that the floor of my house looks worse than some of the streets out there, but my mess is my mess, they don’t have to live in it. But, if you ever walk down the street on a windy day and get smacked in the face by one of the thousands of plastic bags floating in the air, or had to pull them out of the gears of your bike every other day… you might understand my aggravation.)

Ok, enough venting… Did I ever mention the fact that I DO love China? =) I really do.

Remembering.

Today, for me, was cause for remembrances.

I started the day by questioning the children’s knowledge of WWII (referred to in China as the “Anti Japanese War”). It is quite interesting to know that most Chinese are quite aware of history of the “Flying Tigers”, where as most Americans are not.

Another interesting fact, that I liked adding in, was that on D-Day, there were 24 Chinese officers taking part in the invasion. They were sent to England to study some war tactics and so-forth, and ended up offshore helping with shelling the beaches. It’s not much, but they were still there, just as any other sailor on those boats.

I read where someone had mentioned that the world today acts as though D-Day was the end of the war. It wasn’t, it was the beginning of the end. It was almost a full year before the Allied Forces met outside of Berlin. We must remember the men who fought on D-Day, but we must remember them along with every other man who fought, from Kasserine Pass, to the 30 seconds over Japan.

Now, to turn from remembering the “Greatest Generation”, to remembering someone who made growing up in my generation so memorable: Ronald Reagan.

I have been up and about since 5:00AM, but most of the time was spent at work. I never really had time to see the news that he died at 4:00AM (China Time). I have to admit, I honestly shed a tear tonight when I logged onto the news and saw the headlines.

Some say Reagan brought back respect to the Presidency. I would like to add to that. Not only did he bring it back, he was the last to show it.

When I look at what has happened during the time since he left office, I can’t help but wonder what happened. George H. W. Bush put too much effort into foreign policy, neglecting the economy. Clinton put too much attention into self-aggrandizing, while riding the coattails of what Reagan paved the way for. All the time rewriting history in an attempt to make himself out as the next best thing since Kennedy. George W. Bush started out ok, but ended up losing track of things after 9-11. This put him into the same boat his father was in.

I have said, and I stand by the words, that economies are cyclic. However, I do think that Reagan did push through radical changes that DID spur us out of the worst economic time since the Great Depression. Yes, the deficit grew, but life in and outside of the country changed for the better.

Reagan said what he meant as well as meaning and doing what he said. From day one, he made no bones about the problem.

You and I, as individuals, can, by borrowing, live beyond our means, but for only a limited period of time. Why, then, should we think that collectively, as a nation, we are not bound by that same limitation?

We must act today in order to preserve tomorrow. And let there be no misunderstanding--we are going to begin to act, beginning today.

The economic ills we suffer have come upon us over several decades. They will not go away in days, weeks, or months, but they will go away. They will go away because we, as Americans, have the capacity now, as we have had in the past, to do whatever needs to be done to preserve this last and greatest bastion of freedom.

In this present crisis, government is not the solution to our problem.

Inaugural Address
U.S. Capitol, Washington
January 20, 1981

He followed this type of thinking throughout his Presidency.

Common sense told us that when you put a big tax on something, the people will produce less of it. So, we cut the people's tax rates, and the people produced more than ever before. The economy bloomed like a plant that had been cut back and could now grow quicker and stronger. Our economic program brought about the longest peacetime expansion in our history: real family income up, the poverty rate down, entrepreneurship booming, and an explosion in research and new technology. We're exporting more than ever because American industry because more competitive and at the same time, we summoned the national will to knock down protectionist walls abroad instead of erecting them at home.

Farewell Address
White House, Washington
January 11, 1989

I guess, most of all, I respected him for being the epitome of the type of American I was taught to be when I was a child. He held the same patriotism that many of us grew up knowing, but not seeing. He did this, while maintaining a presence of strength that few can compare with. People respected America when he was in office. And, yes, people feared America when he was in office. I have to say, that I would have rather had someone like Reagan in office after 9-11, but I am sure glad it was Bush, not Clinton.

We, as a country, are still trying to rebuild the military up to what it was when Reagan was in office. The way it was before Clinton whittled it down to nothing. Reagan understood the need for deterrence by a show of strength. He, almost single handedly, brought the Soviets to their knees by ruining their economy with the arms race.

The effects of Reagan can still be seen to this day. The world changed so much during, and since, his terms, that I KNOW the encyclopedia business made a killing every year selling updated volumes every half a year. If you don’t believe me, just find a set of 1980 encyclopedias and compare it to a 1990 set of encyclopedias.

I believe in the dreams of Kennedy. He had a vision of new America, and was attempting to radically change things to bring us that dream. This, as we know, was cut short. I am not comparing politics of Kennedy and Reagan, but their drive and dreams were the same. The only difference was that Reagan had the time and used it well.

Yes, I was young then, I was naive, but I was happy. For many of you who didn’t “grow up in the shadow of a mushroom cloud”, you will never know the difference between day and night that those of us who did, now know. This is due, in large part, to Ronald Reagan.

When the Lord calls me home, whenever that day may be, I will leave with the greatest love for this country of ours and eternal optimism for its future.

I now begin the journey that will lead me into the sunset of my life. I know that for America there will always be a bright dawn ahead.

Announcement of Alzheimer's Disease

November 5, 1994

When in need…

It’s Saturday and, as usual, I had classes all day. It was a very nice day today, the sky was overcast, and it was cool enough that I didn’t break out in a sweat every time I walked out the door.

At one point during the day, I was FORCED by some of my students to use the last 4元 in my pocket on one of those crane machines to try to pick up a toy. Yes, this is the biggest addiction I have, but I had stopped playing this one machine when they loaded it down with dolls that had watches wrapped around them. There was no way to get anything out of there they were just too heavy.

I kept telling them they were too heavy, but they were insistent. So, when I really did get one with my very last coin, they went nuts. I pulled out the most beautiful stuffed rabbit, with a Snoopy watch wrapped around it. All of the students know, that I never keep any of these toys. I generally give them away to the closest child around. This time, however, children, adults, college students, and the like surrounded me. So, I hugged the rabbit, and walked away. I immediately took it to the office and gave it to Feng Mei, as reparations for the psychological devastation I have been causing her lately.

What I neglected to think about was the fact that I now had no money in my pocket, and I had not had lunch yet. As soon as I got back into the office after a short walk, between classes, I was greeted by two of my students. These were girls, about 10 and 12. One of them insisted on buying me an ice cream, since I usually buy them one every weekend. She even went and pulled out my favorite and handed it to me. That took care of my lunch.

At 6:00, as I was leaving my last class, Mr. Zhong, a good friend and who’s wife I work with, was waiting for me outside. I had not planned on meeting him, but he asked if I wanted to go to his friends house and meet a “beautiful young lady”, then have dinner at his mothers. Well, what was I going to say… “No?” So, off I went, sitting on the back of his motor-scooter, flying across the city to places unknown. That took care of my dinner.

Things like that are just a constant for me. As I have mentioned in the past, I generally have an open invitation for dinner with any numerous acquaintances around the city.

On my way back from the visit and dinner, I walked past a shop where the most wonderful kid in China lives. This little boy is a toddler, whose total spoken language skills (Chinese AND English) amounted to “Helloooo” and “Bye Bye”. What makes him so wonderful? Well, he is the most uninhibited kid I have met here. He IMMEDIATELY looked at me, started to laugh, and ran right to me. He pulls on my shirt, grabs my hand and tries to pull my fingers out of socket. The whole time, he is just in fits of laughter.

Most kids, any age, will give me a questioning look, spend a few minutes surveying me, and finally might break a smile, before I force them to, by acting up.

This kid is just great. His mother has to pull him off of me every time I see him. He just latches onto me. It’s almost like he has discovered some sort of giant walking teddy bear.

Well, it’s late and I have to teach again in the morning.

Oh, as for the “Beautiful young lady”… One word… Neanderthal.

Clothing Optional.

Last night I accomplished a feat that was the pranksters equivalent of Nirvana.

I had asked Feng Mei to take a walk with me after class. We have the best times walking. Anyway, when I didn’t hear from her, I went to her building and kept sending repeated messages that would drive anyone insane.

Ok, let me give you the lowdown on Feng Mei. As I said, she is my 2nd best friend in China, next to Mr. Chen. She’s about… hmmm… 4ft 4 or so, knows a lot of book English, but is not very skilled in oral English. She’s quiet, shy, happy, but every bit a “Tom Boy” as the youngest of my sisters was when she was a kid.

She is the one in the middle of this picture, with the red shirt on.



It seems that many Chinese are not aware of the concept of “sarcasm”. A few days ago, when I was late meeting her for badminton, I wrote her note after note saying I was “useless/horrible/worthless”, how she didn’t deserve to have such a horrible older brother like me, and that my mother should have never given birth to me. She took every note seriously. When I
translated “sarcasm” for her, she hit me and told me she was standing outside my building, thinking I was on the verge of suicide.

(How can I NOT tease someone so gullible?)

Anyway, last night… I kept sending her messages asking where she was, why she didn’t like me, why she would not answer me, and the like… It was a hot night, and several people were outside. The only people outside of the girl’s dorms are, as you would guess, girls, or their boyfriends. I, being past the age of sitting around dorms waiting for girlfriends, found the image of those men, lined up on the curb, talking amongst themselves, pretty amusing.

Anyway, it seems that I had woke her up, but instead of sending me a message, she decided to come outside and, while smiling and laughing, expressed her hatred of me. What made it that much better, was the fact that she was wearing something I would not think any woman would be caught dead in, in public. A short, strange skirt, a shirt with a red jacket over it, white socks, and some orange sandals so bright, I thought of sending a pair to my friend David back home to use while hunting.

Seeing her trying to hold the jacket shut, trying to keep her skirt from flying up, holding her mobile phone, laughing like mad, all while trying to scold me, had me in tears. She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me into the bushes that line the garden beside the dorms. This had me almost on my knees holding my stomach. You see, that garden is known by everyone to be the “necking” spot at night.

What those other students must have been thinking, I will never know. But I am sure some of the other female students were probably losing their minds trying to figure out why I was with THAT girl. Oh, all of those thoughts hitting me at once was just too much.


Today was pretty nice. It wasn’t as hot as it has been lately. I did a little walking, then it got overcast and cooled off a good bit. I decided to head to the bookstore and try to find some English storybooks for one of my classes. I’m just not sure of the best story for them. “Alice in Wonderland” is just a tad bit on the odd side. I didn’t want to give them something to read that they actually had to do too much thinking about.

They have a section with thin, paperback, English storybooks that are edited to reduce the size. I know, many literary people might think this is horrible, but you have to remember who is reading them, people trying to learn English. Having looked over many of them, I decided that the Wizard of Oz was the safest bet. The violence was minimal, both boys and girls would like it, and the best part, it was 2.90元/ea. I wanted to buy 20 of them.

Well, while I was there, I found a book that made me quite happy. It was a dictionary of Chinese lexicons arranged encyclopedically. I know, many of you are thinking… “Ummmm… ok…” But it is one of the best things I could find for learning to communicate. All I have to do is look up an area of interest and I can find the Chinese word, the Pinyin pronunciation, and the English translation. This is MUCH better than your normal, single word dictionary. This borders on grammar. See, small things are starting to delight me.

Ok… times up… I need to teach in the morning. (After I call Feng Mei at 5:00am and drag her out for badminton.

Nite all.

I GOTTA PEEEEEE!

“Man it's hot. It's like Africa hot. Tarzan couldn't take this kind of hot.” Eugene Morris Jerome in “Biloxi Blues”.

All I know is this… when/if I sign another contract this month, I will make sure that there is air conditioning in my room. It’s not even summer yet, and I’m half naked, sweating my tail off, and it’s evening.

Air conditioners in China are a peculiar site. They are about a meter long, and about 8 inches tall/wide. (Like how I mixed metric in there?) The size isn’t what makes them peculiar; it’s the fact that they don’t go into windows. There is no distinguishable heat vent on them. Now, I’m not a “Thermal Engineer” or anything, but I am pretty sure that for every bit of cool temperature it puts out, it puts out the same amount of warm temperature. Maybe I am wrong about all of this, but won’t this lead to the temperature equalizing? Not to mention that everyone who uses one, has to have a funky hose hanging down their wall for it to drain. Strange strange strange.

Another strange occurrence… This one straight from the “Believe it or not” file:

A few days ago, I, to be as mild as I can, tore open a blister on my foot while I was walking. I was not too worried, but it was a little more than the usual blister. I went to the pharmacy and asked for something to put on it, as well as horded as many Band-Aid’s as I could.

One of the items that was given to me, other than what appeared to be a diluted solution of hydrogen peroxide mixed with iodine, was a small bottle of a powdery substance. One of the people who was with me said that it was normally used at the hospital for horrific type cuts. This pleased me, for if they used it for that purpose, it would work wonders on my little blistered toe.

The odd part came when I got home. I opened the box containing the bottle of powdered “stuff” and read the instructions. Yes, they were as useful as the Chinese translated to English instructions each parent has seen when putting together a bicycle or any sort of electronic game for their children. While glancing over it, one line caught my attention. It said:

“Contains one Insurance Pill”.

This, initially struck me as funny, thinking it was just some strange translation error. But when I opened the bottle and saw one small little brown pill, I started to worry. WHAT THE HECK IS AN INSURANCE PILL??? I mean is it like the pills they give secret agents? Do I take it if I am captured by hostile enemy forces or something?

It’s too late anyway. I seemed to have misplaced the “Insurance Pill” anyway. However, any time I use this stuff, I make sure I wear a HAZMAT suit.

Where to begin.

Whenever I write these now semi-daily updates, I never know where to begin. Every day is filled with new experiences and fun.

I’m sitting here playing with Chi-Chi. If it were not for the difference in the eyes, I would swear he/she was Buddy. No, I am not 100% sure about the gender of this thing yet. Maybe the color of the cere is different in China… everything else is.

Today I woke up at 4:00, for the sole purpose of irritating Feng Mei. Boy, did I accomplish that goal. Hahaha I sent her an SMS that I was at the “playground” (the athletic area used by the senior middle school), and that I had been waiting for her. I think I caught her in a deep dream state, because she actually got dressed and ran downstairs of her building, only to find out that the door was still locked. The whole time I was sending her messages to let her know I was kidding, but as soon as I send her one, her mind goes into overdrive and she seems to ignore any other messages.

I know, I’m cruel, but I’m pretty sure she delights in the aggravation I put her through. I embarrass her on a daily basis, which she usually walks off like she is mad, but the whole time she has the biggest smile on her face. As I said, I call her my little sister, and I now know exactly what sort of older brother I really would have been if I had a younger sister. (I know what it is like to terrorize a younger brother, but sisters are a different story).

It’s kinda’ weird, because I have never really had a good female friend. All of my friends have been male.

Today was one of the windiest here so far, besides the cyclone a week or so ago. I’m starting to get acclimated to the harsh hot dusty windstorms that plague this place. I have started to dress in the attire of the rest of the city when these winds hit. Here is what I look like in my new outfit:



I met a girl today who was wearing one of the “He is the way, the truth, and the life” T-shirts. Last week, I talked to Mr. Chen about it, when I saw another girl with one. When I explained it to him, he said he thought that she probably knew what it was, and that she may well be a Christian. Well, the girl who was wearing one today was from the senior middle school on campus. A “herd” of them were on their way to lunch when I stopped her and asked her if she knew what it meant.

She had no idea. When I started to explain it, not preach or anything, I found myself surrounded by students. Even after I explained it, I think she was more thrilled that a foreigner actually talked to her, than she was in the explanation of her T-shirt. As I said before, English language T-shirts are just a fashion statement here; but maybe it sparked some interest in somebody that was listening.

Tomorrow I will get up at 5:00 to play badminton with Feng Mei and another teacher from the primary school.

If I could only get my father to come here… Just as his views of the former Soviet Union have changed with his befriending a Ukrainian couple, I am sure he would just be flabbergasted by what the real China is like, not the propagandized one we learn about on a constant basis. That is the only thing I really have wanted while I have been here. I have everything I need here, but to have my father see that things are so much better in my life, and that I am in a nice place, would be the icing on the cake.

Captains Log: Star Date: 二零零四年六月二日

I’ve been traveling through the Manchurian System for 八个月 now. I have encountered many forms of intelligent life here, but communication has been difficult. I have tried to assimilate as much of the culture as humanly possible, without breaking the Prime Directive: “Emotional contact amongst female’s of any newly discovered sentient life-forms is strictly prohibited.”

After beaming down to the lobby, I found the inhabitants celebrating what they refer to as “Children’s Day”. It seems this day is celebrated by allowing the dwarfed inhabitants to venture out from their life pods. This one event resulted in a nearly complete shutdown of their crude transportation system. (Imagine half a million taxi’s on the street, with drivers exactly like my father. Now, I’m not saying my father is a bad driver… But I would just as soon try to teach Chinese to Mel Tillis than to question his methods.)

Being off duty, I decided to attempt to blend in with the inhabitants, on one of the most popular activities: Hunting an animal they call a “Peacock”. I arrived at the hunting grounds, cleverly disguised as a petting zoo, at about 9:00AM. It was packed with several thousand natives, so many it was nearly impossible to move without stepping on one. I have never seen such crude hunting methods as I did there. Swarms of the dwarfed inhabitants would converge on these peacocks in an attempt to obtain one of its decorative tail ornaments.

Each of these dwarfs showed such bizarre variants of courage and fear. You would think they had no fear as they went into a pack type mode, moving without any evident form of organization. However, when these “Peacocks” would turn in defense, this courage turned quickly to panic and chaos. Hundreds of dwarfs fleeing for their lives, screaming out what I derived was their word for retreat: “MA!!!!!!!!!!!”

It was during one of these mass retreats that my disguise of sunglasses was discovered. Several of the dwarfs noticed me, causing me to fear for my life, having seen what they were doing to these “Peacocks”. The largest of these dwarfs, a female, probably their leader, ran at me and wrapped her arms around me and, for some strange reason called me their word for teacher. I had to use my universal translator, just to make sure it wasn’t their word for lunch.

She walked me over to her master, who was sitting with other dwarf masters, watching the hunting ritual as I was. They all seemed happy to see me, which finally put me at ease. It was at this time I thought I would make my retreat to safety.

All in all, I must say, I had a fun day. I did so many other things in the past two days; it would be too time consuming to write them down.